Strawberry's Revenge
by Extreme Strawberries
Summary: After two long years of being powerless, weak and depressed, Ichigo Kurosaki has finally gained back his powers. He disguises himself and enters Soul Society in an attempt to gain revenge. (warning: this story is total crack and can potentially make you stupid)
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not mine, all Kubo's! If it were mine, Ichigo and Rukia would be together with babies! Orihime would be dead (no offense Hime fans), Ulquiorra would be back from the dead, and so would Gin...back to the story

Chapter 1

Voices of the Past

Ichigo sighed as he looked at his substitute soul reaper badge. _"I wonder how she's doing."_ It had been two years since he lost his shinigami powers after he defeated Aizen in the Winter War, and since he had seen Rukia. _"I can't get her out of my head. Her violent punches, ruthless name calling, and those big,violet ey-, wait what! "No, we're just best friends, she changed my whole world, but I wouldn't think about her that way , would I-?"_

"Ichigo! Get up off your fat ass and buy me a new porn magazine!" Ichigo was shook out of his musing when the perverted stuffed lion, Kon, started yelling at him.

"Shut up you filthy pervert, I still don't know why I kept you all these years..."

Kon pointed a plushie arm at Ichigo. "It's because one day, when your on your butt being all depressed, as usual, I will save your ass from being a hollow's 'to go' meal! After all, I am Bleach's real hero."

"Yeah, sure you are," Ichigo rolled his eyes sarcastically with a scowl on his face. "Why don't you just jump out a window, or how 'bout I tie a ribbon on you and hand you over to Yuzu, I think she would be really grateful if-"

A small cloud of dust from appeared where Kon once stood._ "No way in hell will I let that little she devil put me in a dress and have 'happy happy tea time'."_ He shuddered as he made his way to his secret playboy stash.

Ichigo got off his bed and changed into his school uniform. He slipped his Badge into his pocket, like he did every morning, and headed off to Kakura High. When he reached school, all his friends greeted him. "IIIIICHIIIIGO-" Keigo was cut off as a fist collided with his face. Holding his now bleeding nose, he cried,"Why must you be so mean Ichigo!" before running away.

"Ohayo, Kurosaki-Kun!" yelled Orihime with a big smile pasted to her face. Ichigo glanced at her, "Ohiyo Inoue." She blushed a bright red. He inwardly sighed, Orihime had a big crush on him for a long time now, he didn't want to hurt her, so he didn't tell her that the feelings weren't mutual. But they remained on a friendship basis ever since they rescued Rukia from the execution.

_"Rukia."_ His eyes darkened and he slowly made his way to his desk.

Orihime stared at her beloved Kurosaki-Kun. _"He's been like this ever since he lost his shinigami powers. It's probably because he can't be with her..."_ Her eyes clouded with jealousy and hurt at the thought of Ichigo missing Rukia.

The bell rang and she quickly rushed her way over to her seat. The teacher began the lesson, "Now class, I want you to take out your books and open up to page 209."

Ichigo took out his book and opened up to the page they were on. He stared out the window hoping the day would pass by quickly.

_"Is this thing on?"_

Ichigo's shook his head, _"What was that? I could swear that sounded like Ruk-"_

_"I believe it is on, Rukia"_ Captain Ukitake? Why do I hear him? Ichigo thought. He looked at the soul reaper badge that was emitting the voices.

_"What is going on?"_

**o0o**

Ichigo continued to stare at the badge when he got home. _"I could swear I could hear Captain Ukitake and Rukia's voices, or maybe I'm just crazy."_

Then an Idea hit him. _"Its been a while since I spoke to him, maybe now is a good time to start" _Ichigo got up and began to make his way over to Hat 'n Clog's shop.

"Ah, I have been expecting you. I knew that you would notice it soon." Ichigo gave Urahara a confused look. "Notice what, Urahara?"

The blonde man chuckled and waved his fan. "Ichigo-san, haven't you noticed the rise in your reitsu?"

"What are you talkin-" Ichigo froze when he sensed it. It was faint, but it was definitely there._ "How could I have not noticed this?"_

The shop owner now had a serious look on his face.

"So, have you heard the voices yet?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Thank you for so many views. We actually got more than a hundred, so we would like to thank you for that. We would really appreciate it if you would kindly review. You can gives us comments, ask questions, or insult our work (Let us know what we did wrong or how we can improve). Also, sorry if the chapters are a bit short. We will be making them longer as we continue this story. So once again, thank you and we hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.  
**

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**Chapter 2**

A Well Thought Out Plan

Lifting one eyebrow curiously, Ichigo questioned, "Voices? Do you mean the ones I heard from my badge?" He took his substitute shinigami badge out of his pocket to examine it. He remembered when he had first gotten the badge. _'How stupid of me to think this was a license.'_

* * *

**Flash Back**

"_In Soul Society there is a law regarding Shinigami Substitutes," said Ukitake._

_He approached Ichigo with a brown wooden box in his hands. The Thirteenth Captain then opened the box to reveal a badge resting inside it. The badge had a strange design to it; pentagonal in shape with a skull right inside it._

"_If that shinigami is deemed to be useful to Soul Society, then we always give them this," continued the captain._

"_But I can't accept this. I don't deserv-," before Ichigo could say anything else, Ukitake cut him off._

"_Just hold onto it. It could prove to be useful later," he said before retreating back to his division._

_Ichigo just stared at the badge out of curiosity he thought "How can this badge be useful to me?"_

* * *

"This is not an ordinary badge," exclaimed Urahara.

'_That probably explains why that afro man never heard of this when I showed it to him that time. What was his name again… Kenji? Kenshin? Kou? Damn what is it! I know it's got to be Nobuyuki! Or maybe I'm wrong. Hmmm'_

Urahara's voice managed to snap Ichigo out of his thoughts.

"Soul Society constantly monitors you and look at how much your reiatsu is progressing. If your reiatsu is strong enough, then Soul Society will plan to recruit you for future battles and such." Bucket man's response managed to surprise him a bit.

"So, they plan on using me again huh?" Ichigo said.

Urahara replies "No, they're just planning to force you into their division, and if you deny, well they plan on taking your family and those precious to you and give then a slow, painful death. Nothing too important to worry about," he said waving him off. The substitute shinigami then planted a punch right onto the shopkeeper's stomach.

"Oh you really got stronger. You really throw great, but painful punches," he said clutching his stomach. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE GOING TO KILL MY FAMILY!" he yelled.

The blonde haired man then explained the situation. Yoruichi, being the former commander of the Stealth Force, had discovered Yamamoto's future plans if the orange haired boy ever gained his powers back.

* * *

_All the captains of the Gotei 13 appeared entered through the doors to attend a scheduled captain's meeting. As soon as all thirteen captains were seated, Yamamoto tapped his cane on the floor several times to get their attention._

"_Attention all captains. The current topic of our meeting will be Kurosaki Ichigo."_

_Byakuya, captain of the sixth division, sighed. This had to be the hundredth time the annoying, stubborn, idiotic, thick headed, dimwitted, ass hole was brought up during these meetings. I mean it's not like he hated him or anything, he "respected" the orange haired ryoka in his own way, but he wasn't that big of a deal._

"_As you may know, the once substitute shinigami has lost his powers."_

_The captains all gave curious glances at each other. "Shall we erase his memories?" asked __Suì-Fēng."I disagree with doing that, since the young boy has helped us out in many occasions," replied Shunsui. The captains then started a serious debate in which made a vein pop up on Yamamoto's head._

"_SILENCE!"_

_The room had gotten quiet, after that loud command._

"_Ichigo Kurosaki is to keep his memories, but is to be monitored at all times. We do not know if he will ever gain his powers once again therefore, this decision will be made. If he ever does gain it back, then we will let him join our ranks, for he will be useful to many future battles and such in the future. If he refuses to join us, then we will immediately force him into our divisions by killing his family and those precious to him. Now are there any objections?"_

_No captain in the room dared to speak up and object the captain-commander's orders._

"_Then it is settled. The meeting is over. All captains are dismissed," said the old man. The captains all bowed respectfully and quietly filed out of the room._

* * *

Back in the shop, the two men were currently drinking their tea while discussing the important matters. "I want to get back at them for using me and throwing me away like trash," said the amber eyed boy. Urahara raised an eyebrow curiously at the boy's decision. _'How obvious,' _the shopkeeper mentally chuckled. _'Now this is going to be one entertaining performance.'_

"Alright I'll help you, free of charge this time!" said the shopkeeper. Ichigo then explained his well thought out plan.

"Basically, I'll disguise myself as an unseated member of the thirteenth division and plan my revenge there."

"And do you know exactly what you're going to do from there?" questioned Urahara.

"Ummm…" the shopkeeper sweat dropped at the boy's stupidity. _'What a nice "thought out plan" that is'._

"Well I didn't think that far ahead!"

The blonde haired man sighed, but then smirked. "Alright I'll help you first by teaching you kidou, seeing that is your weak point."

"IT IS NOT!" argued Ichigo.

"Well fine it isn't. But I'm still going to teach it to you anyway since the kidou you use now always seems to blow up in your face, and it won't really help you in trying to impress your soon-to-be Fuka-Taichou," replied the shopkeeper who was hiding his smile behind his fan.

It took a while for his mind register that comment in his head, and as soon as it did, a hue of red quickly spread through his cheeks. He turned his away from the man and immediately denied his statement on trying to impress Rukia. Urahara couldn't help but chuckle at his reaction.

"Ah, young love. I remember when Yoruichi and I confessed our love. As soon as we did, the both of us went into her room and shut off the lights. Then we got on the bed, got under the covers, and-,"

The blonde shop keeper got cut off by another punch in the stomach.

"Stupid Geta-boshi," muttered Ichigo.

"What? I was going to show her my new glow in the dark watch. What did you think I was going to say? You are such a perverted young man. Now I see what traits you got from Isshin," said Urahara who again was hiding the smile behind his fan. This remark, yet again led to another punch in the stomach.

* * *

**Read, Review, and Enjoy.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Thank you for the adding this story to your favorites and story alert. We really appreciate it. Once again, thank you and please review.**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Bleach. And we do not own Harry Potter as well.**

Chapter 3

The Rising Black Sun

She opened her eyes at the sound of a large crash.

"Rukia Fuka-Taichou!" yelled Kiyone and Sentarō.

"Yes?"

"Captain Ukitake has ordered me to summon you to his barracks. He mentioned that it was very urgent," said the black haired third seat.

"No he ordered me!" yelled Kiyone.

Rukia sighed as she blocked out the bickering in the background. She was a bit annoyed; after all, she was just woken up from another one of her dreams that included a certain carrot-top. Plus, the constant fights from those two weren't really helping.

"Alright, I'll be there as soon as I can," she replied.

The two third seats bowed before leaving her to her own thoughts. Rukia pushed herself off of her futon and changed in her black shinigami attire and strapped her zanpakutō to her shihakusho.

'_This is going to be a long day' _Time always seemed to drag on without Ichigo being near her. _'Oh well it looks like a certain person seems to miss him,' _said Sode no Shirayuki invading her mind.

Rukia snorted. _'Please, why would I miss that that arrogant, annoying strawberry? And I'm sure he is doing perfectly fine without me.'_

'_Rukia, every time you get assigned a mission, I notice how much less passionate you are with your duties. You look like a lifeless robot who wears a mask over her face to hide your feelings and emotions,' replied the __zanpakutō._

The raven haired girl rolled her eyes as she walked out of her room. As she made her way towards the exit of the Kuchiki Manor, she notices her brother walking towards her.

"Good morning Nii-sama."

"Good morning Rukia. Where are you running off to?" asked Byakuya.

"Ukitake Taichou has asked me to report to his barrack to receive my duties," informed the Fuka Taichou.

"I see. Well good luck to you," said Byakuya as he returned to his own duties.

She watched his retreating back for second before she made her way to her captain's barracks. Through his cold attitude, Rukia could always see how much of a caring brother he was. He, after all, was the one who adopted her and took her under his care. The sixth division captain was also very overprotective of her as well. He did not want his adopted sister to obtain vice captaincy of the thirteenth division at first, but after some time, he decided to do what was best for her.

Her thoughts broke off as soon as she approached the doors to Ukitake Taichou's room. She knocked on the door and waited for a muffled "Come in". She entered the room and bowed respectfully.

"Good morning Taichou, you summoned me?"

"Ah yes Rukia, I have a very important mission for you," replied the white haired captain.

Her violet eyes lit up. "A mission? I haven't had one in while since I had been stuck with paperwork for so long."

"Oops! Sorry about the paperwork. You see my sickness gets worse during around this time of year. But anyway, there has been some trouble in Hueco Mundo."

Her stomach twisted at the flash of memories she had with Ichigo during her first visit there. _'Hueco Mundo? What could possibly be going on there now?'_

"Division 12 has sensed a major rise of reistsu leaking throughout Hueco Mundo and the garganta. I have called you here because I want you to investigate with a few subordinates," continued Ukitake.

"Yes captain, I will not disappoint you," she responded before bowing again and walking out of the room. Her chest clenched with joy. Her captain though she was strong enough to lead an investigation though Hueco Mundo, a vast, sandy land filled with dangerous hollows.

'_She has gotten stronger.'_ Ukitake couldn't help but smile at his lieutenant. _'Ever since she had met that boy Ichigo her power had grown, and she has much more potential now.' _However, the thought of the orange haired boy made his smile twist into a frown. He had noticed how less passionate she had become when she carried out her duties as a shinigami. The captain sighed. _'I hope she realizes that she misses him.' _He chuckled at thought of her admitting it._ 'She is, after all quite the stubborn one.'_

* * *

Rukia stood in front of the garganta with her emotionless Kuchiki mask on. She and her two third seats, Kiyone and Sentarō, stepped through the darkness that engulfed them.

The short raven haired girl opened her eyes to see a huge, sandy desert. The air was dry and there was a slight breeze that blew the stubborn bang that rested on her forehead. Before she knew it, it immediately went right back in place.

"Okay listen up," she yelled. "We will search for the source of the reistsu. If we cannot find it within two weeks, then we will go back and report to Ukitake Taichou. Now do you have any questions?"

Both Kiyone and Sentarō shook their heads and in unison, shouted "Hai Rukia Fuka-Taichou!"

* * *

It had already been five days since they entered the garganta to start their mission. However, she could sense the reistsu which didn't seem to be so far. It felt familiar, but she couldn't remember who had this reistsu. As the three continued walking, they felt it get stronger.

Just then she saw two familiar figures whose reistsu belonged to them.

"It's you!"

* * *

"Ye lord! Mask of blood and flesh, all creation, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of Man! Inferno and pandemonium, the sea barrier surges, march on to the south!" An orb of crimson energy began to form in the palm of his hand.

"Hadō N.31: Shakkahō!"

There was was massive explosion of fiery red rietsu.

"Dammit! I almost had it this time!" cried Ichigo

His face was covered in ashes and his front Haori was scorched.

"Wow, you're even worse than Abarari-San!" Yelled Urahara.

"Shut up Old Man! This is really hard because I have too much reitsu! And by the way, I should be working on my disguise so I can sneak into Seretei."

"Ichigo, don't get full of yourself, if you have this much power, you should know how to control it. And you should be learning the basic kido since you have to make it seem like you have attended Shino Academy. You have to learn this before I can teach you kido for disguises!

Ichigo sweat dropped 'Kido Disguise spells exist?'

After Urahara laughed his ass off at Ichigo for another three hours, he decided to teach him how to disguise himself.

"Okay, it's really simple," said the shopkeeper, and he began showing Ichigo the incantation.

After he showed him he said "Now all that's left is to think what you want the person you casted it upon to look like, for example..."

Urahara pointed two fingers at Ichigo and chanted the spell. Two seconds later there was a poof of white smoke swirling around the young man. As it cleared a man who was quite similar to Ichigo looked at his hand.

'A wand? What the hell...'

Urahara pulled up a mirror out of his robes,no one knows where the hell it came from...and held it up for Ichigo to look at himself.

His eyes widened and he screamed in rage. "Why the hell am I Harry Potter!" And he did look like him, dark brown hair, light blue eyes, and a lightning bolt scar right in the middle of his forehead...

"Is this some cheap gag? No one is going to fall for this!" He grabbed his head in frustration.

"Relax, Relax, this was only an example" reassured the blonde haired man.

"SO THIS WAS JUST FOR YOUR OWN AMUSEMENT!"

"Yup!" he replied with his smile hidden behind his fan.

Ichigo kicked him in his head.

"Ah, I see. To show your love for her you decided to use her trademark kick," said the shopekeeper.

The tall boy blushed. "I DON'T LIKE RUKIA!"

"Now who said anything about Rukia?" Urahara said with a smirk shown across his face.

He notices Ichigo trying to aim another kick towards his head.

"Oh no you don't!" and then another puff of smoke appeared.

The blonde man began giggling and then flat out fell on the ground in laughter.

"W-what is it?" Ichigo then grabbed a mirror. He had his face, But Rukia's hairstyle, with Chappy Clips! He also noticed that the ground was closer...

"ACK! Change me back right now!"

"Okay, Ichigo-san." said the older man while still smiling. He then changed Ichigo back to normal.

"So what do you want to look like, I will gladly help you choo-" He was cut off as the orange haired boy threw a rock at him.

"I will pick a disguise myself, thank-you-very-much."

"You're welcome!"

The carrot-top scowled at the man for not picking up on his sarcasm. He then started the incantation. Once he finished he had pictured his "great" disguise.

Ichigo looked in the mirror, "It's good enough." His hair was slightly longer and brown and his eyes were forest green. He also notices he was about 2 inches shorter from his usual tall stature. "This will have to do."

He then turned to Urahara, "When can you get me into Seretei?"

"Well I can have the gateway open in about an hour, here." Ichigo looked at what the man had handed him. It was a file. He opened it up. Last name: Tachibana, First name: Akio. It also included extra information, like his School Enrolment and Grades.

"You _made_ me a straight C student!" he shouted defiantly, It wasn't bad enough his new last name meant wild orange."

"Oh well, I'm not changing it" was his response.

A few minutes later, Ichigo was sitting alone, staring at the training grounds, waiting for Urahara to open the senkaimon. Then, out of nowhere, he heard a maniacal voice.

"_**HEY KING!"**__Oh god no not him. I thought I got rid of him a long time ago..._

"_**KINNGG-Kingy-King-King! Answer me damnit, I know you can hear me!"**_

'_What do you want Hollow and I thought I got rid of you.'_

The hollow huffed agrily, _**'Hmpf. Like hell you can't get rid of me. I live here if you happened to forget! Oh and don't call me hollow anymore it's Hichigo now.'**_

'_Oh how original,'_ he interjected, _'And tell me why you are back.'_

'_**Wow, Rukia is right, you are stupid! I'm back because the return of your powers, Duh!'**_

Ichigo ignored the comment _'Hey how do you know Rukia!'_

'_**Oh, of course I know Rukia, you dimwit. I'm inside of you. I know all your thoughts and personal secrets,'**_ responded Hichigo, licking his lips.

The orange haired boy shuddered, and was about to respond when Urahara called out for him.

'_**Heh, Bye King, we'll talk soon, I really enjoyed it. Oh and also, I like your disguise. You hair reminds me of shit, and your eyes remind me of vomit.'**_ Hichigo's voice then disappeared.

Ichigo shook his head _'The things that go on in my head, stupid hollow...'_He stood up and went to meet with the humble shopkeeper.

The tall boy stared a huge gate.

"Ah, Ichigo, one more thing," Ichigo stopped mid-step.

"Yeah Urahara?"

He handed him a silver necklace. "Wear that on your neck. It will control the amount of reistsu you give off, since you can't do it yourself. Don't want you to get caught now, do we?"

Ichigo sighed and hung the silver chain around his neck.

"Oh no I forgot to tell my family that I won't be back for a while!"

"I'll tell them, don't worry about it. You will probably get a mission in Karakura Town anyway, since this seems to be the only place hollows attack..."

The disguised boy smirked, and began walking into the gate. "Here we go."

* * *

He ran through the senkaimon hoping to not get caught by the janitor.

"Dammit! Why the hell does he have to make me go through this again!"

Ichigo looked back to back for a quick second to see the janitor gaining up on him. He reached in his robe to take a cape.

'_Good thing I snatched Ishida's backup cape before,' _he thought as he threw it behind him. He knew the janitor would engulf it.

_Oh well. That four eyes can always sew up another one.'_

* * *

**Read, Review, and Enjoy.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews, favorites, and alerts. We really appreciate it and hope you enjoy the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Bleach.**

Chapter 4

A Reunion and You Don't Even Know it

"It's you!

There stood the two familiar reistsus. The two looked as though they were tired, sweaty, and exhausted.

"Well you short little bitch, that's a nice thing to say after not seeing each other for two years," said Grimmjow.

Rukia narrowed her eyes. Grimmjow Jaegerjaques, the sixth member of the Espada, the little kitty cat that escaped death in Hueco Mundo, was standing right in front of her along with another person.

"Wukia!" yelled Nel as she tackled the raven haired girl in a hug.

Rukia smiled and gave her a small hug back. She then looked at the two and said "What do you think you are doing?"

"Training," they both simply answered.

"And are you aware that both of your high reistsus are leaking into Soul Society?"

"Yup!"

"Hey midget, want to fight? It's been a while since I had a good one, but still it would be easy to take out a shorty like you," said the blue haired man.

A vein popped out on her forehead, but she was quick to keep her composure.

"No thank you. You see, once my squad and I find the source of the reistsu here, we have to head back to Soul Society. After all, it is our duty to-,"

She was cut off by a laughing green haired girl.

"HAHA, you said DOODIE!"

Rukia sighed at her level of maturity. Ichigo had once told her that Nel had an adult form, but it seems she is just a kid inside.

"But like I was saying, I-,"

"HAHA, you said BUTT!" she sighed again at the girl now clutching her stomach and rolling on the floor laughing.

The fuka-taichou rolled her eyes and looked at the two third seats behind her. She sees Kiyone and Sentarō staring at the three in confusion.

"Alright now that we have out information, let us leave," she said emotionless. Her Kuchiki mask was currently present and she spoke with a cold voice.

"Hai Kuchiki Fuka-Taichou!"

The vice captain opened the garganta and her two assistants entered the darkness first. Before she left, she looked back over her shoulder.

"Sorry, but we don't have enough time to chat. However, I will see you two around. Bye Nel and Catnip," she said as she took a step into the garganta.

She smirked at the last thing she heard, "My name isn't Catnip!"

* * *

It was a bright and sunny, warm day in Seireitei. The birds were chirping, the hell butterflies were fluttering around, and two annoying idiots were arguing.

"Captain Ukitake ordered me to take the new recruits to the meeting room!"

"No he ordered me to do it!"

Ichigo rolled his eyes and sighed at the two. Supposedly, he heard that these two third seats named Kiyone and Sentarō, were coming to pick them up.

"How about you both shut your fucking mouths and show us the damn way to the barracks!" growled the disguised boy.

The two stopped arguing and glanced at the shit brown haired man.

"And who might you be?" asked Kiyone.

"Tachibana, Akio, but please call me Akio."

"Well Akio, you have no right to raise your voice at two higher ups," responded Sentarō.

"Yeah, two _very_ _childish_ higher ups," he retorted. He looked at the two third seats to see them glaring at him. Ichigo couldn't help but smirk at their reactions. It was almost as fun as picking on that little midget.

Both Kiyone and Sentarō noticed that he emphasized the words 'very childish'.

"When we are done the Introduction ceremony, we will both report you to our Fuka-Taichou and let her deal with you."

Ichigo rolled his eyes. _'Like hell that midget could do anything to me. Even if I'm a few inches shorter in this disguise, I bet I still tower over her.'_

'_**Hey Kingy, don't you know that insulting your queen is rude thing to do,' **_intruded Hichigo.

'_Shut up!'_ responded Ichigo who was trying his hardest to block the hollow's voice out of his mind.

'_**Sheesh, you don't need to get your panties in a twist. Besides, what if I don't want to shut up? What are you going to do about it?'**_

He rolled his eyes. _'Last time I checked horses don't talk.'_

'_**Neither do asses, but you've already accomplished that.'**_

He growled and finally figured out how to block the hollow's voice, at least for now.

"May I have your attention please? The new recruits who are now joining the Thirteenth Division please follow me," said Sentarō.

The group of new recruits then followed the two third seats until they stopped at a large set of maroon doors. _'This must be the entrance to the barracks.'_

The large group was now walking through many hallways and finally entered the assembly hall. It was a plain, large room big enough to hold the whole squad. And in the front of the room was a small, raised platform, and on it stood the 13th captain and his lieutenant.

Once everyone entered the room, the captain spoke up.

"Hello, my name is Jūshirō Ukitake and I welcome you all to the Thirteenth Division. And this is my Vice Captain Rukia Kuchiki," he said as he motioned a hand towards her.

Ichigo blocked out what Ukitake was saying and looked to the captain's right side and notices Rukia. His eyes widen a bit. Her appearance had changed during the last two years. The raven haired girl used to have shoulder length hair with a stubborn lock of hair on her forehead. Now, her hair was shorter and was cut up to her chin. He notices the stubborn lock was still there. Her bright, violet eyes enraptured his interest. Her thin arms were covered by white fingerless gloves that ended just a little above her elbow. However, her expression at the moment was expressionless.

'_It reminds me of her "stick up the ass" brother,' _he thought. Ichigo noticed that Ukitake's welcome speech was over and the new recruits were starting to file out of the room. He was just about to walk out when he hears "Hey you, wait."

"Yes?" he asks as he turns around. He sees the two thirds seats and their Fuka-Taichou.

"These two told me that you were disrespecting them," said Rukia in a cold voice.

"Well it's not my fault that these two childish 'adults' were busy arguing instead of leading us to the damn gates," interjected Ichigo with a smirk written across his face.

Rukia couldn't help but raise a brow. An unseated member had the guts to disrespect at two higher ups and now he was smirking. Although, she doesn't blame him, there were times when she felt extremely annoyed by Kiyone and Sentarō's arguments.

"Very well, even though it is disrespectful to talk like that to your elders and speak out of line, there will be no punishment. However, will please tell me your name?"

"My name is Tachibana, Akio. But please call me Akio"

Rukia raised a brow again. Tachibana means 'wild orange' and Akio 'glorious hero'. _'It describes a certain carrot top very well.'_

"Alright Akio, you are dismissed," said Rukia.

Ichigo walks out of the room with the same smirk on his face. _'I knew the midget wasn't going to do anything.'_

'_**We should've taken those two on. I'm in the mood for a good fight and some tasty souls to snack on,'**_ said Hichigo.

The disguised boy ignores him and walks to his new quarters.

'_**Hey king, don't ignore me! King! Kingy! Kingyyyy. Kingy-chan! HEY, SHIT HEAD ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?'**_

He growled and blocked the annoying voice out. He reaches his new quarters and opens the door. The room consisted of a wardrobe to the left, a bed which was right bedside a large window much like it was back home, and a desk on the right. There was also a small entrance to the bathroom on the right as well.

Ichigo walks in and lies on the bed._ 'It's been a long day.' _Exhaustion finally hit him and his eyes drooped until they were closed. The kidou spell he used to disguise himself always wears off when he is asleep. He had to be very careful to not let anyone in at night.

He yawned and sleep finally hit him.

* * *

The man with a striped hat knocked on the Kurosaki Clinic's front door. A girl with short black hair and a blank stare opened it.

"Yes. What do you want, we are in the middle of eating dinner."

The man tilted his head up to view the kitchen table. Isshin, a small girl with light brown hair, and the supposed Ichigo were staring at him.

"Ah, Karin, let daddy talk to him, I'm assuming that it is important." said the man with black hair who was getting out of his seat and walking toward the door.

"Yeah, whatever old man" she replied heading back to the table.

Isshin invited Urahara inside and took him to a secluded part of the house.

"You've noticed, right?" Urahara asked.

"Yeah, I can tell that it's the mod soul in his body. So, can you tell me where the real Ichigo is?" Isshin replied.

"Well, you see my old friend, I can only tell you that he is in Soul Society at the current time"

Isshin smirked, it must be important if Ichigo is in Soul Society. He would not think too much about it. He then regained his goofy personality.

"He better have grandchildren with my lovely third daughter by the time he gets back!"

Next he pulled out a picture of his deceased wife and began to cry. "Oh Masaki, that delinquent son of ours will never learn!"

As he continued to rant, Urahara took the opportunity to leave.

It was the next day and Urahara was sitting in his little shop. He had sent a message to Kon and the rest of the gang.

Ishida, Chad, Orihime, and Kon (in Ichigo's body) entered the little shop a few minutes later and sat at a small table. Urahara served them tea as everyone relaxed.

"You wanted to speak with us Urahara-kun?" asked Orihime in her annoyingly high and innocent voice.

"Yes Inoe-san, I have gathered you all to tell you where Ichigo has gone.

Orhime's eyes widened. "But Kurosaki-kun is right here!" she said while pointing at the mod soul.

Everyone except Orihime sweat dropped. How did she not notice that it was Kon? If his different personality didn't give him away the voice change sure did.

"That is Kon." He continued, ignoring the girl's obliviousness. "And the reason why Kon is in Ichigo because Ichigo is currently in Soul Society."

"What!" yelled the three friends.

"Well, Kurosaki's power has recently returned, and Yoruchi has found out that Soul Society was planning on recruiting him as a shinigami once he regained them."

"So he went to Soul Society to be an official shinigami?" asked Ishida.

"Well, not exactly. I kind of told him that they would kill all his family and friends if he didn't join. Basically he got pissed and has gone off in disguise to get revenge." Urahara casually answered.

"How does he plan on getting revenge?" Ishida asked skeptically.

"Who knows?" was his answer.

Orihime began to cry. She tried to stop the tears, but her emotions betrayed her.

"_Its about rukia. He most likely used this as a reason to be near her."_ She continued to think her accusations about the small raven-haired shinigami. _"Okay stop, don't get jealous, Kuchiki-san is great! I look up to her, she is always nice to me, and she keeps Kurosaki-kun happy."_

"Great, well I always knew he was a moron. And I think he took my favorite cape with him." Ishida said angrily with a trembling fist held up. _"Seriously, how stupid can that guy get?"_

"Wait, Urahara-sama, you said Soul Society would kill us and Ichigo's family if he didn't join?" asked chad in his deep monotone voice.

Urahara said nothing as he hid his face behind his fan.

* * *

Bright sunlight seemed to permeate through the blinds and wake up a certain orange haired teen. Ichigo opened his eyes slowly and pushed himself off of the bed. He went into the small bathroom attached to the bedroom to wash himself up.

He looked into the mirror to see his own reflection. His orange hair was there and his amber eyes were now presently staring back at him. Ichigo sighed as he began to use the kidou spell Urahara had shown him before he left. A cloud of white smoke engulfed him and cleared up after a few minutes.

He looked at his reflection and saw his shit colored hair and forest green eyes.

'_**Shit and vomit. What a nice combination you have on. What are you going to do next purple colored skin?' **_asked Hichigo.

Ichigo scowled at his comment and marched out of his room. He briefly remembered something said about squad training during the Introduction ceremony. The disguised boy walked into the division's training courtyard to see the other members of the squad. But more importantly, Rukia was there and was just about to start training.

"Alright listen up! Our Taichou is sick and I will be leading today's squad training. Now everyone pair up and wait for my next set of orders," announced Rukia.

Ichigo looked around for a partner. But apparently, all of them were taken.

"Well then Akio, you will be my partner then," said the raven haired girl.

'_Oh gee, I'm so excited,' _he thought. He was hoping to partner up with another new recruit. He didn't want to risk the chance of Rukia finding out that it was him.

"For today we will be practicing kidou."

'_God Dammit! I hate my luck!'_ and the sound of his hollow laughing at him wasn't helping either.

"Alright now everyone face your partner. One person will fire a Hadō, while the other uses a Bakudō spell to defend themselves. And take turns switching roles."

'_Ah shit! Why the hell did I have to be paired up with her.'_

"Hai Kuchiki-Fuka Taichou!" That was when everyone started practicing.

Ichigo and Rukia faced each other.

"You fire a Hadō first," said Rukia. She was much curious on how much power he to back up that smirk from yesterday.

"Hai, Kuchiki Fuka-Taichou." The disguised boy really hated calling her that. He didn't really like showing respect to anyone, especially midgets who are half his size.

_"Ye lord! Mask of flesh and bone, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of Man! Truth and temperance, upon this sinless wall of dreams unleash but slightly the wrath of your claws." _Blue bolts of energy started to come out of his fingertips as he pointed his hand towards Rukia. _"Hadō N.33: Sōkatsui!"_

Before he knew it, his hand slipped, and a loud '**BOOM!**' was heard.

Turns out he missed because he lost control. But more importantly, he destroyed part of the barracks. _'Why the hell does it always have to fail.'_

"Uhhh… He did it!" he said pointing a boy with blonde hair and blue eyes.

Rukia rolled her violet eyes in amusement.

"Fool, I was right in front of you. Of course I saw you do it. You have a sufficient amount of reistsu and I suggest you learn how to control it."

This boy reminded her of Ichigo for some reason. First of all, they are both act like fools and are both idiotic. They also are bad at kidou. _'Well at least Akio's didn't blow in his face.' _She couldn't help but feel a sense of familiarity when she talked to Akio.

She sighed. "Alright, the training session is over. Everyone is dismissed!"

Ichigo was just about to make a run for it but then he heard, "Don't even think about it."

He groaned and walked back to his Fuka-Taichou.

"You are going to stay an extra amount of time to learn the basics of kidou again."

"But I already know it, midget!" growled Ichigo.

A vein popped on her head and she kicked him in the shin.

"I am not a midget!" she yelled angrily.

Okay, now he definitely reminded her of Ichigo. They both even acted the same.

"You know, you remind me of someone I know."

He chuckled nervously while scratching the back of his head.

"Oh really?"

"By the way I can't help but wonder why you are named Tachibana, Akio. Tachibana means 'wild orange' and Akio means 'glorious hero'."

"Ummm."

'_Dammit! What the hell am I suppose to say. Stupid Hat 'n Clogs for giving me a shitty name. I bet he knew this was coming!'_

'_**Hey if something's shitty, it's definitely has to be your hair,' **_said the annoying hollow.

'_Will you just shut up about it!'_

"Umm… Well I…" He couldn't really think of anything to say.

"Hey look, a fish!" he said pointing at a random direction.

Rukia turned her head to the direction her was pointing at to see nothing. When she turned back to Akio she notices he shunpo-ed off.

'_**Hey can you stop running? I can't get a good view of the fish,'**_ said Hichigo.

He rolled his eyes and sighed as he entered his own room. _She's getting suspicious.'_

'_**I don't blame her Kingy chan. You really suck at going undercover.'**_

'_How the hell do I get rid of this damn annoying hollow!'_

**Read, Review, and Enjoy.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews, favorites, and story alerts. We really appreciate it and hope you review. The chapters are getting longer and also, sorry for some of the OOCness.**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Bleach, nor do we own Darth Vader.**

Chapter 5

Good Things Come from Bad Situations

Silence.

That was all that was heard during a certain time where two siblings join each other for breakfast. None of them said a word until an intruder came and interrupted their meal.

"Kuchiki Fuka-Taichou!"

This caught the attention of the raven haired girl. She turned her head to see Kiyone running up to her.

Kiyone stopped right in front of Rukia to catch a breath before speaking, "Kuchiki Fuka-Taichou, our captain has asked me to summon you to his office. There is a very urgent mission that is about to be given out."

The violet eyed girl nodded her head and turned to her brother.

"Have a nice day nii-sama."

After the goodbye, Rukia shunpo-ed off to her captain's office. _'I wonder what the mission is going to be.'_

She arrived at her Taichou's door and knocked.

"Come in," she heard.

She entered Ukitake's office to see him sitting down, drinking tea.

"Rukia, I have a very important mission for you at the World of Living," said the Captain.

The raven haired girl cringed at that. It had been a long time since she had last seen Ichigo.

Reading her mind, Ukitake spoke up, "I must remind you that Soul Society prohibits you from coming in contact with the substitute shinigami and you will receive a punishment if you do so."

Rukia nodded her head and said "Yes, I understand that, but what is the important mission?"

"There have been reports of massive reistsus in Karakura Town, about ten of them actually. And there is no way that it could have been Grimmjow and Nel again, considering that they are in Hueco Mundo and have no access to a gateway that can lead them to the World of Living. I want you to take one other squad member and investigate this."

"Hai Ukitake-Taichou!" replied Rukia.

She walked out of his office and began to ponder about who she was going to take. _'I could take Kiyone and Sentarō. But then again, I would have to deal with their nonstop, annoying arguments.'_ Then the raven haired girl smirked at her final decision. She had decided to take an unseated member this time.

A certain orange haired boy was lying in his bed asleep, until he heard a knock at the door.

He groaned and tiredly said, "No one's home."

"Fool, then who is answering?" said a familiar voice.

The source of the voice kicked down the door and looked around the room for him.

'_That's Rukia's voice! Oh shit! I forgot I wasn't in my disguise.'_ He panicked and threw the covers over his whole body. However, out of the corner of Rukia's eye she caught a glimpse of orange.

"Akio, I need you to accompany me in an important mission today," she said in a formal voice.

"Umm… Sure, but can you wait outside?" he asked nervously, hoping that she wouldn't ask any questions.

"Why?"

'_Dammit! What should I say?' _

'_**How about you say that you were crying last night because you felt sympathy for a certain someone who couldn't get a good view of the fish,' **_growled his hollow.

Ichigo mentally rolled his eyes. _'Oh shut up. And to make it even better, there was no fish!'_

He ignored his hollow's curses and insults being thrown at him and said, "I would like to have my privacy."

The raven haired girl knew something was up, but decided not to press on it.

"Fine, but be quick," she said as she left his quarters.

Ichigo quickly threw his covers off of himself and went to the bathroom. He recited the kidou spell and took a look of himself in the mirror. Once everything seemed to be in place, he marched out of the room to meet the violet eyed woman.

"About time," she muttered as she began to lead the way.

The disguised boy kept his pace in sync with hers. He stole a glance at her to see a distant look on her face.

"So what is the mission?" he asked.

She looked up at him and said, "Captain Ukitake has asked me to investigate unknown reistsus in Karakura Town. And he has informed me that I can bring one other, so I'm bringing you."

The tall boy raised a brow. _'Why the hell would she pick me? Why the hell did I have to agree with this? Not only do I have to go back home, but I'm risking the chance of Rukia finding out my identity.'_

"Why did you pick me? I am an unseated member. Wouldn't one of your two third seats be a better choice?"

"No they wouldn't. You see, I picked you because I figured this would be a perfect chance to practice your kidou," the raven haired girl said. _'But more importantly, I need to ask a few questions.'_

They made their way outside and the Fuka-Taichou opened a Senkaimon. They both stepped into the gateway and made their way to the World of Living.

When they stepped out of the gate, Ichigo notices that they were on a rooftop.

"Come, there is a nearby shop where we can get gigais," commands Rukia.

"Might I ask what shop we are going to?" He hoped it wasn't Hat 'n Clog's shop. The boy did not feel like dealing with the "humble" shopkeeper.

"The shop is called Urahara Shōten," she replied.

He cursed his luck.

"Hey, can I ask you a few questions?" asked Rukia.

"Sure, ask away."

"What district of Rukongai are you from?"

'_This question will be easy. All I have to do is pick a number.'_

'_**Yeah, but judging by past experience, your luck isn't the best,' **_mused Hichigo.

He ignored his hollow and said, "I'm from district 78."

"Oh really? I'm from there too," said the surprised raven haired girl.

'_**Hah I told you so.'**_

'_You know, I should castrate you…'_

'_**Well aren't you a ray of fucking sunshine? Alright I'll stop.'**_

"When did you die and how?" she continues asking.

Ichigo started sweating bullets. _'Alright, it's no big deal make up a story.'_

"Well, I died 21 years ago. And how I died, well I was in the country side and I had managed to have gotten run over by a herd of cows. But I was still alive; however a nearby cowboy stabbed me through the heart with a swordfish."

Rukia nodded believing the story and Ichigo sweat dropped. _'She actually believed that?'_

"So tell me something about you," said the disguised boy, trying to change the subject.

"What do you want to know?"

Ichigo spent so much time with her that he probably knew everything about her.

'_**You know you sound like a stalker,'**_ said Hichigo.

'_I'm not a stalker. I am an observer.'_

After that thought, there was a moment of silence before his hollow spoke up again.

'_**You are just asking me to take over your body and beat myself sensibly aren't you?'**_

Ichigo mentally rolled his eyes and looked over to Rukia who was walking beside him.

"Between red and orange, which is your favorite color?" he asked.

The raven haired girl raised a brow. _'Why the hell would he ask that?'_

"I'd have to say orange," she replied.

For some reason, he felt happy inside. However, he still had one more question left.

"Out of the two, what is your favorite flavor? Strawberry or Pineapple?"

"Why are you asking useless questions?"

"Just answer the damn question, midget!" he growled.

The last statement caused him to receive a kick in the shin.

"Ow! What the fu-,"

"We are here," she said, cutting off his complaint.

Ichigo notices they had stopped in front of a small shop in a familiar neighborhood. He looked up at the sign and sighed.

The two walked into the store to be greeted by a man with blonde hair that was covered by a green and white stripped hat.

"Good Evening and welcome to my humble shop!" greeted Urahara.

"It has been so long since I had seen you Kuchiki-san! And who might this be?" asked Urahara with a smirk written across his face.

'_Damn you!'_

"My name is Tachibana, Akio. But please call me Akio."

"Tachibana? That means 'wild orange' doesn't? And Akio means 'glorious hero'. Why were you named that?"

'_Why the hell do you always have to put me through these situations? Weren't you the one who gave me the shitty name?'_

"Well... ummm…"

'_**There is no fish to save you now, is there kingy?'**_

"Well, I was born poor on a farm where my parents grew a lot of oranges. And I was called 'glorious hero' because I saved my mother from the decision of having another child."

"Ah, I see. Well come now, I assume you want two gigais. And don't worry they are free of charge today! Kuchiki-san, why don't you get them from the back?"

The raven haired girl nodded and walked to the back of the shop. When she was gone, the shopkeeper turned to Ichigo with a smile upon his face.

"You must've been some hero," said Urahara.

Ichigo kicked him in the head and said, "Say one more word to piss me off and I will take your hat, let my hollow take a potty break in it, and shove it up your ass!"

"No! You can do anything, but please don't take my hat!" sobbed the shopkeeper.

Rukia came into the room with two gigais in her arms and looked at the scene in front of her. There, was a sobbing shopkeeper on the floor with a scowling Akio repeatedly kicking him. _'Reminds me of him…'_

'_I told you, you were missing him,' _mused her sword Sode no Shirayuki.

She sighed ignoring her comment and walked up to the two men.

"You know, I don't really think kicking the shopkeeper who is kindly giving away his merchandise for free isn't the right thing to do," said Rukia.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. He touched one of the gigais to have his soul sucked into the lifeless body. Thankfully, it kept his disguise. The two walked out of the shop after thanking the blonde shopkeeper.

"Alright, let us start our mission. Can you sense the reistsus?" she asked the unseated member.

Ichigo furrowed his brows and concentrated hard. However, this did him no good.

"Umm no," he responded with a sheepish grin on his face.

Rukia rolled her eyes and face palmed. _'So he has a hard time doing this too. He's so much like Ichigo. Is there any chance that they are related? Ugh. Why the hell do I keep thinking about that stupid carrot top?'_

She sighed and led the way to the source of the reistsus. Ichigo was silently following her trail.

They had been silently walking for quite some time now. The disguised boy couldn't help but break it by asking, "Are we there yet?"

Rukia looked up at him and sighed.

"We have only been walking for five minutes."

And with that they continued walking to their unknown destination.

"Are we there yet?"

Rukia tossed him an exasperated look. "Not even a minute passed since you asked me that the last time."

Ichigo sighed and continued to walk with her again.

Again he asks, "Are we there yet?"

"No."

"How about now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No…"

"Alright, how about now?"

The raven haired girl kicked him in the shin.

"Stop asking that you fool! You can clearly see that we are still walking. Now shut your mouth and I will tell you when we get there," she snapped.

Ichigo nodded and continued to walk with her and silence had greeted them again.

"How about now?"

'**WHAM!' **

Ichigo was now on the ground holding a place where the sun doesn't shine in pain.

Rukia with a vein on her forehead spoke, "I am starting to regret ever picking you for this mission."

"Yeah especially knowing that he can't save you," said an unknown voice.

The two shinigami looked to the direction of the voice to find ten people with masks on their faces.

"You are..."

"Arrancars," said Ichigo who continues her sentence.

"We are not just any arrancars. We are the Adapse!" one arrancar said.

"Umm… Isn't that Espada backwards?" questioned Ichigo.

All ten of the intruders stopped to think about it for a second.

"Shut up! We do not have to explain ourselves to you!"

Ichigo sweat dropped and said, "That's a very _creative _name. What inspired you guys to name your group that? Was it the former Espada?"

"Eh? No of course not. One day, I was making peanut butter and jelly sandwich and some jelly spilt on my hakama. Then I thought, 'Hey, I should make a group called the Adapse!'." said a masked figure.

'_**You know King, judging by that story, I think we can take all ten of them at once.'**_

'_For once, I think I actually agree with you.'_

The sound of a cero being fired their way interrupted his thoughts. He tried to grab Rukia, however one of the arrancar had beat him to it.

Rukia squirmed in the arrancar's grasp as she tried to escape. The member of the Adapse quickly knocked her unconscious and made their way to a gateway.

"No give her back!" demanded Ichigo as he tried to run after them. Three more ceros were fired at his direction, blocking his way of getting to the gateway.

Thankfully, he dodged just in time, but when the smoke from the ceros cleared up, he notices that he is alone. _'Dammit! Where the hell can I find those assholes! They couldn't be in Hueco Mundo since that's the most obvious place the enemy can set up their base. Damn, they can be anywhere!'_

Out of the corner of his eye, he spots a yellow piece of paper. Ichigo walks up to it and picks it up. It was a not from the sons of a bitches who took Rukia.

_To Shithead:_

_We are not in Hueco Mundo. _

_From: The Adapse_

'_Wow, they really are idiots. Look like I was wrong, they're in Hueco Mundo.'_ He quickly made his way back to Hat 'n Clogs shop to give him back the gigai and to ask for a garganta.

When he got there, the shopkeeper agreed and quickly opened the garganta. Ichigo stepped into the darkness and made a bridge out of his reistsu. He quickly ran across the bridge. _'I'm coming for you Rukia.'_

He stepped out of the gateway and entered the vast, sandy desert. However, he was greeted by the sight of a light blue haired man with a mask over his jaw.

"Hey Shithead, are you here for those sons of a bitches, Adapse?"

'_Since when the hell has my name become shithead?'_

"Yes, what of it?"

"I'm coming with you. They just ripped off the Espada! Plus, I need a good fight."

"Fine whatever," said Ichigo as he started walking.

The two men walked in silence until Grimmjow spoke, "Can I ask you a question?"

He looked at the blue haired man.

"Sure."

"Are you my father?"

"What?"

"Are you deaf? I asked are you my father? You seem quite familiar to me."

'_Are all arrancars dumbasses? Whatever, I might as well have some fun while I'm here.'_

"Yes, I am your father," the disguised boy said in a Darth Vader voice.

Grimmjow stood there blinking at him, until he started to jump up and down.

"Daddy! It really is you!" he said turning into his pantera form and nuzzling his cheek on Ichigo's leg.

'_**Did he drink some weird cactus juice or something?' **_asked Hichigo.

Ichigo rolled his eyes and started to walk away in hoped of finding Rukia.

The two came across a huge gray castle made out of bricks. Guarding the entrance, was an arrancar, who blocked their way of entering.

"Halt! If you want to get through, then you have to go through me first. After all, I am the Sexta Adapse!" said the man with long black hair that was brushed back and green eyes.

In a split second, Grimmjow's sword found its way through his heart.

"Sexta Adapse my ass! Now out of the way."

They both ran into the building taking many twists and turns through the hallway, until they came across two caves.

"How about we split up?" suggested Ichigo.

"Sure, which cave do you want?"

"Man this is a tough choice. Alright, eeny, meeny, miny, moe, catch a Grimmjow by the toe, if he hollers, go bankai, eeny, meeny, miny, moe. I pick the one on the right," said the disguised boy.

"Took you long enough, Shithead," Grimmjow mumbled under his breath.

They both took off their separate ways.

Ichigo wandered aimlessly through the cave. "Rukia! Are you there? Where are you midget?"

He came into an abrupt when he saw five men and a tied up Rukia. He notices her condition which wasn't too bad. Her hair was disheveled, few bruises and wounds here and there, and her shinigami attire was ripped in a few places. Other than that, she looked fine.

"Akio…" she said under her breath.

"Shut up I came to save you. You can scold me for coming here after I defeat them."

"Akio you shouldn't have come here alone, you fool. You are going to get yourself killed."

"What? You're not going to tell me to run away are you? I'll never do that. Don't make me laugh. It wasn't easy coming all this way you know. So no matter what you say, it won't make a difference. I'm going to drag you out of here if I have to."

Rukia looked at him with an odd sense of déjà vu in her mind. _'This is just like the time Ichigo came to save me.'_

"I'm not going to listen to what you say, so don't bother, idiot!" he said pointing a finger at the raven haired girl.

"Wh-what's that suppose to mean, you're ignoring the rescuee's opinions! What Kind of strange rescue attempt is this!" yelled Rukia.

"Shut up! You're being rescued so stop babbling! You should crouch in the corner, shiver in fear, and scream 'Help! Help!'."

They both stood there glaring at each other before a voice broke in.

"You know there are other people in this room, right?"

Ichigo looked at the five standing in front of him.

"Aren't there supposed to be four more of you?" he questioned.

"No, your little kitty-cat took them all out."

"Since when do you have a cat?" asked Rukia.

Ichigo groaned and looked at her. "Actually he's my son... It's a long story."

He looked back to see the five arrancars getting into a fighting stance.

"Might I know the names of my opponents?"

"Sure! I'm Hachiro, that's Hachiro II, over there is Hachiro III, then next to him is Hachiro VI, then lastly that's-,"

"Oh wait, can I guess? I think his name is Hachiro V," said Ichigo.

"No. What are you stupid? His name is Jun."

'_Of course it is.'_ Ichigo placed a hand on the handle of his Zanpakutō getting ready to take it out.

'_**Hey dumbass, you can't take Zangetsu out now. You'll blow your damn cover,' **_his hollow pointed out.

'_Oh shit! I forgot!'_

'_**Ah, where would you be without me?'**_

'_I'd be at my happy place.'_

He ignored his hollow's insults at him and took out his Zanpakutō anyway. He couldn't take on all five men just by using Hakuda, nor is he any good at kidou.

"That looks just like Ichigo's Zanpakutō!" exclaimed Rukia.

She was starting to get suspicious of him. He acts just like Ichigo, he looks somewhat like him, his kidou skills are the same as him, and he has the same Zanpakutō. _'Is he… No he can't be.'_

"Yeah, people used always tell me that my Zanpakutō looked like the Great Winter War Hero's."

"Really what's your swords name?" she asked skeptically.

He let out a nervous chuckle. "Umm… Bob."

'_**Really? Bob? Is that the best you could think of? Even the mother who had the four Hachiros named their stuff better.'**_

"That's an unusual name."

"Cleave the moon, Bob!" chanted Ichigo.

The wind picked up as his sword was released.

'_Honestly Ichigo, It has been two years, and you have forgotten my name so you call me Bob?' _said Zangetsu.

'_Old man I-,'_

'_**Hey look, the old pigeon is back,' **_said Hichigo.

The disguised boy leapt into battle while ignoring the arguments of the two spirits inside his head. He swung his sword at one of them while dodging a slash from above. Ichigo had his leg rushing forward with a kick, and luckily the Hachiro III couldn't duck in time. He shunpo-ed away before a sword met his neck and appeared behind one of the arrancars. Ichigo pierced his sword straight into his heart and shunpo-ed away to dodge a cero being fired at him.

'_One down, four more to go,' _he thought.

_Ten minutes later_

"Well that's the rest of them. Let's go midget," he said as he started walking out. A foot met his ass a few seconds later.

"I AM NOT MIDGET!" yelled Rukia.

'_Ow! Damn that hurts!'_ he thought ignoring the howls of laughter from his hollow. He looks towards Rukia's direction to see her walking away from him.

"Oi! Wait up!" he yelled as he caught up to her.

"For such short legs, you walk fast."

That comment led to a smack on the back of his head. _'Why the hell is she so abusive. I'm just telling the truth.'_

"By the way, Thanks for saving me," she said, interrupting his thoughts.

"Anytime, but you still haven't answered my question."

"What question?" she asked.

"Strawberry or Pineapple."

She rolled her eyes. "If I had to pick, I would choose strawberry."

That made him smile and he thought of another question.

"How old are you?"

Rukia raised a brow at this. Why in the world did he want to know her age? And why did it matter to him?

"You know, it's not polite to ask a woman about their age."

"What woman? All I'm seeing is-,"

He got cut off by a kick in the head. And she walked away into the garganta ahead of him.

"Stupid midget," he mumbled under his breath. He didn't even get the chance to say goodbye to his son.

* * *

Loud bickering could be heard in Karakura town as two shinigami exited the garganta.

"I still think you're a thief," Rukia angrily spat at Ichigo.

"How! Just because my sword looks like 'The Winter War's Hero's' doesn't mean I stole it. It appeared when I got it. And another thing, Bob does not appreciate being called a rip off!"

"Whatever. Now that we stopped those imbeciles, we should really head back to Seireitei," she said while beginning the walk to Urahara's shop.

Ichigo nodded his head and said, "Yeah, that was actually pretty easy, and if something's a rip off, it's definitely the Adapse."

The two stopped talking when they arrived in front of the old Shōten. Urahara had his head sticking out the window as he vigorously waved his fan.

"So how was your trip? Did you bring me a souvenir?"

"No we didn't!" Ichigo angrily replied.

The blonde shopkeeper pouted out his lip.

"Did you at least have your romantic moment with Kuchiki-chan? Oh, like those romantic mangas I love to read. Dammit Akio, I should have taught you how to-,"

Rukia cut him off before he finished the sentence.

"We have no time to listen to your foolish babbling. Open the Sekaimon so that we can report back to Ukitake-Taichou."

"Ah, what a killjoy! At least visit Ichigo before you leave!"

The disguised boy started sweating. _'Oh no! Why did that idiot have to say that! Now she will see that I'm not in my body. There's no way she will believe that Kon is me. Then she will know I got my powers back and then...'_

'_**Oi King, do me a favor and shut the fuck up. Your thought process is giving me a headache, and you're too slow to be thinking this fast, you might hurt yourself.'**_

Ichigo was trying to calm his nerves as Rukia answered Urahara's questions. _'Damn that man!'_

"I'm sorry but we cannot. It was specifically in my orders not to visit him." With that said, she hopped into the Sekaimon.

Ichigo shot Urahara a glare before following behind her.

"Ukatake-taicho, we bring great news." said the raven haired shinigami as she and Ichigo entered the room.

Ukitake looked up from his paperwork. "What good news have you brought?"

"We have discovered a new group of arrancars called the Adapse."

Ukiatake raised an eyebrow. "The Adapse?"

Rukia chuckled and added, "They were complete fools too."

Ichigo made his presence known when he said, "Yeah they were foolish enough that they captured shorty here and I had to save her ass."

Ukitake's smile turned into a frown. He hated it when his squad members get into trouble.

"Is this true lieutenant? Were you injured?" questioned the white haired captain.

Her eyes narrowed at the disguised boy. She hated it when people thought she couldn't take care of herself.

"Yes I was captured and he rescued me, but I was caught off guard." Her angry face shifted to one with guilt and shame. "I am sorry Taichou, I should not have gotten captured A proper shinigami should always be prepared for anything."

'_Ni-Sama would look at me with disgust, how could I have brought shame to the Kuchiki name again?'_

"Calm down Kuchiki-Fuka Taichou, all you need is some practice. You should train some more, you've become quite stressed lately."

"Hai, Ukitake-taicho," replied Rukia whose face still held a pained expression.

"So how powerful were these Adapse's, are there anymore in existance?"

"No, Akio defeated five of the members, while I was being held captive."

"What about the other five members? If I'm correct, there were ten reistsus," the white haired man questioned.

"My son took care of them," Ichigo said casually.

"You have a son?" Ukitake looked perplexedly at him.

"Nah, it was actually an arrancar, by the name of Grimmjow. If you get past his annoying and sadistic personality, he was okay, I mean, we both had a common enemy so yeahhh..." His voice trailed off.

"I see," Ukitake replied, still wondering how the son scenario happened.

"Well since you have defeated them all, I see no need to further investigate the situation. You are dismissed Kuchiki Fuka-Taichou."

The raven haired shinigami respectfully bowed at her captain, and exited his office obediently.

"Hey, what about me!" interjected Ichigo.

"Akio, I have great news for you. Since your mission went so well, and you defeated the Adapse, I am promoting you to 4th seat."

"Thank you Ukitake-taicho," replied Ichigo. He never knew that something good could come out of a bad situation such as what happened a few hours ago.

"I will see you early tomorrow, you are dismissed." And with that the disguised boy bowed and left the room.

"So what did he want?" questioned Rukia.

"He promoted me to 4th seat," he said proudly.

He began to make his way back to his room when a voice made hm stop.

"Where the hell do you think you are going?" the annoyed girl called after him.

He turned around to face her, "Not that it's any of your business, but I'm going to my room. I'm tired as fuck."

"Dumbass, since when can the word fuck be used to describe being tired?"

'_**Want to find out?" **_Ichigo's hollow chimed inside his head.

'_Not now!'_Ichigo didn't answer her rhetorical question.

"You are coming with me to the training courtyard. You still need to work on your kidou."

It was late in the afternoon when the bright sun was shining over a trench in the training grounds.

"Surprise attack!" yelled Rukia as she pushed him down the opening in the ground.

He tumbled down the slope, gaining multiple cuts and bruises, and came to a halt when he landed in a pile of dog shit.

"Ugh gross, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!"

"As I learned from our recent mission, one must always be prepared for anything," she said smiling at his reaction.

He stared into her deep violet orbs, lost in a mesmerizing trance. _'Wow, she looks beautiful when she smiles.'_

Rukia raised an eyebrow at the creep who was staring at her.

"Okay, why are you staring at me like that?" she asked.

"Like what?"

"Like that!"

"Like what?"

"That!"

"I was not looking at you midget, you must be daydreaming," he stubbornly said, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away so she couldn't see the blush rising to his cheeks.

"Never mind, let's just practice since you are not getting any better just by standing here and arguing with me."

"Correction, you are arguing with me," the disguised boy retorted with a smug expression.

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Not!"

"Too!"

"Shut up! Hadō N.33: Sōkatsui!"

A blue bolt erupted from her hand which Ichigo barely dodged at.

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"You fool, you should have used Bakudo to deflect it instead of dodging it."

If anything, Ichigo got worse as they trained. Rukia looked towards the sky and noticed the sun had set long ago, and it was now an inky black canvas filled with bright stars and the luminous crescent moon.

"It's late, you should return to your quarters, but I want you to return for training early in the morning next week. By then, I will have a schedule made for your Kido training."

A very tired Ichigo replied, "Yeah okay, I'll see you then."

He continues to stand there as she stares at the moon. Its light reflected off her pale face, making it look as if she were glowing and her eyes held pain.

"Hey, are you all right?" he asked.

She gave him a soft, sad smile and said, "It's nothing."

"Come on, I highly doubt that it's nothing."

She sighed. "Have you ever lost someone who meant a lot to you?" Thoughts of the night she killed Kaien filled her head. _'Why am I opening up to him? I barley know anything about him.'_

His heart clenched at the sadness in her tone. "Yeah, I've lost someone. She meant the world to me." Immediately thoughts of his mother came to his mind. "In my previous life, I lost my mother. I was a pretty pathetic kid and I cried a lot. But she was a wonderful mother, and she was always there for me. She was killed in a hit and run. It happened on a rainy day, and I was never the same afterwards, it felt like every day was raining. I wish I could have prevented it from happening, but I couldn't. Then when I was older, a girl appeared in my life and she was so different than everyone else. I could be with her and forget the sorrows from the past and the rain, she stopped the rain. I became really depressed when she moved away, and a few years later I died, and here I am."

He had to tweak the story a little, or she would know that it was him. However, his face was contorted with pain and his eyes were glazed over with regret.

Rukia didn't know what to say, he was so heartfelt and emotional, and that was the same way she feels about Kaien-dono. "I'm sorry for your loss, Aikio."

His features lightened up slightly. "Yeah, so, who have you lost?"

She looked at the ground.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

She gave him a grateful smile and shunpo-ed away. And then, he slowly made his way back to his room.

'_**That was real touching,"**_ cried the weeping hollow.

Ichigo ignored him. _'I hate to see her so sad... I wonder what has her so depressed.'_He pushed the thoughts off to the side. _'__No, I'm not here for this, I'm here for one reason, Revenge. Seireitei will not harm what is precious to me.'_

He sat down at his desk and pulled out a pen and some paper.

'_So, how do I get revenge? Damn it! I should have thought about this before I left!'_

'_**Ohhh King-chan, how about you release me and I kill them all?'**_

'_No, bad idea. I can't kill all those innocent people! Plus, I think all 13 division captains and lieutenants could kick our asses.'_

'_**Well then how about pranks?'**_ his hollow suggested.

'_Pranks?'_

'_**Yeah!"**_

'_That's so stupid.'_

"_**You should shut up before I kill you. What else is there if we can't kill them all? At least slowly annoying them to death will get us SOMEWHERE!'**_

Ichigo sighed. _'Yeah, I guess that is all we can do for now.'_ He then began writing down ideas of some amazing pranks with the help of his stupid hollow.

R3V3NG3

1). Steal all the toilet paper in Seireitei.

2.) Take all Matsumoto's sake.

3.) Throw a pie in Captain Kurotsuchi's face and look away.

4.) Put a bug in Yumichika's hair.

5.) Scare Hanataro.

6.) Give Yachiru candy.

7. Explode off Ikkaku's eyebrows.

8. Lock Captain Komamura outside during a full moon.

9. Ask Captain Suì-Fēng if she is a Lesbian.

10. Prank call Yamamoto, Tōshirō, and Byakuya.

'_That's all we have for now, but we can add more to it later.'_

'_**Can we sleep with Rukia to piss of Byakuya? **_Hichigo begged.

'_No for six reasons. _

_1. Eww_

_2. Byakuya would kill me._

_3. Eww_

_4. SHE would kill me._

_5. Eww, just eww._

_6. She has cooties.'_

'_**Pft, I know all your desires, and what you're subconsciously thinking is not eww.'**_

Ichigo then began to yell loud profanities. After a few moments, he heard a knock on the door. He went over to open it and found an unseated woman from the 13th division.

"Will you kindly shut the hell up! The whole barracks can here you screaming like a basket case!" she left with an annoyed huff.

He stood in the doorway dumbfounded as the hollow cackled.

"_**Haha! Kingy got scolded!"**_

Ichigo shut the door and hid the list under his mattress. He then switched off the lights and got under the covers.

Tomorrow let the pranking commence.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: We apologize for updating a bit later than expected. We really thank you for the wonderful reviews for chapter 5. That chapter has gotten the most reviews so far. We have gotten from I think 13 reviews to 23, so thank you and I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: We do not own Bleach.**

Chapter 6

Let the Pranking Commence

* * *

'_**KING I'm fucking bored!'**_

Hichigo had been complaining nonstop since Ichigo had started his job as 4th seat.

'_We only need to be here for another hour, okay?' _responded the disguised boy.

'_**UUUGGHHH, why don't we fight? I probably will win because I'm awesome, and it's better to lose to me than to do that paperwork you've been fighting for the past 4 hours.'**_

Although the hollow was being annoying, he was right, the paperwork was awful.

He was shaken out of his thoughts when a raven haired midget knocked on his opened door.

"Akio, I have brought you more paperwork," said Rukia.

"WHAT! Are you fucking kidding me? I still have this whole fucking pile!"

"I do not care, Ukitake ordered me to give this to you, hurry up and take it because I still have to deliver this other package to the 10th division. And also, watch you language," she replied.

'_The 10th division? Isn't that where the other midget works?' _The thought of Hitsugaya came to his mind. _'I don't want Rukia to associate with him; they'll probably start a midget clan or something...'_

Rukia looked over at Akio. His eyes were glazed over with what? Was he-? No he couldn't be jealous.

"Akio! Snap out of it and take the paperwork," the violet eyed shinigami commanded.

She walked over and plopped the pile of torture onto his desk, and without so much of a huff, she was out the door.

* * *

'_Finally, I'm finished,' _he thought as he dropped his pen onto the desk. His hands felt as though they were going to be sore forever. However, he was finally off from work and his pranks were about to commence.

'_**Okay King, which prank you want to play first?'**_ asked his hollow.

'_We will go down the list, duh. That's why I labeled it from 1 to 10,'_ replied Ichigo who was mentally rolling his eyes.

'_**But what if I don't want to do it in that order?'**_ whined the annoying hollow.

'_I don't care what you want, we are doing it my way and that's final!'_

'_**Geez King, no need to make it sound so dirty'**_

* * *

Ichigo slowly tiptoed into men's bathroom in the 13th division.

'_Okay,' _he thought. _'I've got to make this quick.'_ He went into each stall and removed all the toilet paper from the rolls.

"Oh man, now what do I do?" he said eying the big wads of toilet paper in his hands.

'_**Flush it down the Toilet!'**_ suggested Hichigo.

And so, the disguised boy stuffed all the toilet paper into one of the toilet bowls. He flicked the flusher, but to no avail, the wads of paper began swirling, but would not go down. The toilet started to overflow with water and wet paper.

'_Ugh Shit! What now?'_

By now Ichigo was beyond pissed and frustrated. _'Stupid, shitty toilet.'_

Hichigo was silent for a second, and then he proposed his brilliant idea.

'_**Try burning the toilet paper with your Kidou, then it will flush because all that's left is ash.'**_

'_Great Idea!'_

Ichigo held his hand out and a red ball of energy started forming on the tips of his fingers.

_"Ye lord! Mask of blood and flesh, all creation, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of Man! Inferno and pandemonium, the sea barrier surges, march on to the south!"_

A crimson burt of energy shot out from his hand as he shouted _"Hadō N.31: Shakkahō!"_

The sound of a loud explosion erupted from the stall. When the swirling gray smoke from the kidou cleared, a smashed toilet appeared to his eyesight. Turns out, he missed and hit the toilet instead.

"Shit!" he yelled.

'_I hope that doesn't come out of my paycheck,' _he thought.

'_**Wow, no wonder Rukia trains you. Oh and by the way Kingy, you better run,'**_ exclaimed his hollow.

Ichigo darted out of the bathroom hoping to get as far away as possible. A few people nearby casted a glance at the running shinigami, while others tried to ignore the idiot who was running like a maniac.

'_**Hey Kingy-chan, how about we hide all toilet paper in Hanatarō's room instead of using your kidou.'**_

'_Agreed,' _replied Ichigo.

A sudden thought had just popped into his head. _'Aw man!'_

'_**What is it King?'**_

The tall shinigami now had a look of distresses on his face.

'_We have to remove toilet paper from the women's bathroom too!'_

'_**Easy, just use kidou to disguise yourself as a girl. You do that one every day, so it won't blow up in your face like everything else you do.'**_

'_What the hell is wrong with you? Are you sick? You're coming up with more great ideas than you usually do.'_

'_**Shut the hell up! And don't question my intelligence,' **_yelled Hichigo.

The disguised boy scoffed. _'What intelligence?'_

Ichigo blocked off the curses and insults his hollow was throwing at him and began to say the incantation. He thought of girl he saw earlier in the 13th division and figured he should try turning into her. When the large clouds of pink smoke cleared the room, he looked into a full length mirror.

'_**AHAHAHA King, you make one ugly chick!' **_howled Hichigo.

He examined himself to see that he still had his manly face and figure. The only differences were the thick lensed glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose and the three layers of lipstick and blush on his lips and cheeks. Oh and not to mention, the disheveled brown dreadlocks on his head.

'_**King, you still managed to keep your shitty colored hair too!' **_

By now, the hollow was rolling on the floor laughing at him in Ichigo's inner world.

'_Never mind, let's go.'_

He removed all of the toilet paper from the lavatories when everyone was on duty. All the bathrooms throughout Seireitei, men's and women's, were currently emptied of toilet paper. He also went to all of the personal, private bathrooms of shinigami. And best of all, it was all nestled inside Hanatarō's closet.

'_Hope he doesn't open it up soon,'_ he thought.

The disguised boy then started to walk off to the 10th division. However, as he was walking, he notices something red coming near him through the corner of his eye. Ichigo turns his head to see a man with weird eyebrows, red, pineapple shaped hair, and stupid tattoos.

'_Dammit! I don't have the time to deal with this!'_

The red headed Fuka-Taichou then halted in front of the disguised boy.

"Hey girl, did you die in Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see," said Renji.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. _'Is he hitting on me? And man is he using stupid pick up lines.'_

'_**Well that's still a miracle. A person actually likes you in that ugly form you supposedly call a woman. But seriously? He isn't going to get in your pants with those pick up lines,' **_exclaimed his hollow.

'_You sure sound jealous,' _replied Ichigo.

'_**Are you saying I'm gay!'**_

'_I did not say that.'_

'_**But you were implying it!'**_

'_If I wanted to say that there is a gay hollow inside of me then I would have already come out and said it. And by the way, there is a gay hollow inside of me.'_

He ignored his hollows curses and said, "Vice Captain Abarai, I am not interested in accompanying you to your quarters, nor do I take any interest in you."

The disguised boy began to walk away but stopped when he heard shouting.

"Can I at least know your name?" questioned Renji.

"No," Ichigo simply stated.

"Alright, I bet you're not in the phone book, but I'm sure I'll find you in a dictionary under the word 'fine'!" he shouted to him.

'_When the hell will get it through his thick skull! Those pick up lines do not work!'_

He started to walk away again, but had to come to a halt when the vice captain grabbed a hold of his wrist.

"Can't I at least get a kiss goodbye? Just wanting to kiss you reminds me of diarrhea, I can't do anything to stop it," said the red head.

"I advise you let go of me before I kick you where the sun doesn't shine," said Ichigo with a grim look on his face.

"Sorry, I got lost in your eyes. What were you saying?"

Ichigo had enough. He punched Renji in the face with his free hand and kicked the vice captain in the balls.

Ichigo looked up at the sky and noticed the pineapple headed bastard took up a lot of his time.

"Stupid Renji with his damn pick up lines," he muttered as he walked behind a tree to get back into his regular disguise.

* * *

Meanwhile

'_Aw man I have to dookie!' _Iba thought as he got off from work.

He rushed to the 7th division's bathroom to find a line coming from the men's room.

'_Can't Hold!' _He then rushed to the 13th division bathroom. The shinigami opened a stall up to find a blown up toilet.

'_That guy must have __really__ had to shit,' _he thought as he opened the next stall.

'_Empty, Great!' _

He sat down and did, you know, his 'business'. As he was reaching for the toilet paper, he saw that it was empty.

'_What?' _

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

He then called a hell butterfly.

"Calling all captains! This is an Emergency! A great evil has been brought upon us! Meet me in the 13th division bathroom immediately."

* * *

Hichigo snickered, _**'This prank is going to rock!'**_

The disguised boy was running away from Captain Hitsugaya's office, while pulling a little red wagon filled with sake. While captains were away with the toilet paper problem, Ichigo had taken the opportunity to sneak into the little guy's office.

He was worried Matsumoto would have been in there and caught him in his act, however to his benefit; she was happily passed out drunk on the couch.

'_**She is going to be pissed when she wakes up,'**_ said Hichigo with a twinge anxiety.

'_Yeah I know, and I don't want to be here when she does.'_

* * *

Meanwhile

Matsumoto woke up with a yawn. She clutched her head and mentally cursed at the headache her hangover was giving her.

"Good morning Taichou!" she said in a singsong voice to her little white haired captain, who was with no doubt, doing paperwork.

"It is afternoon, Matsumoto." he briskly replied.

She put her index finger on her chin and looked up in thought.

"You don't say. Hmmm, I guess I should start drinking then, you know I like to start early."

He sighed as she got up to check her stash of sake.

"GAH!" a loud gasp erupted from his lazy lieutenant.

"What is it now, Matsumoto?" asked the captain. He was starting to get annoyed at her antics.

"TAICHOOOOUUUU! The sake is gone!"

"Hmmm, though I don't know who took it, I don't think that it is such a bad thing." he said with a poker face on.

"But why is the sake always gone?" she said as she started to go into a panic attack.

"I do not know why, just get back to work, you have a lot of paperwork to do."

He was then roughly yanked from his seat and was now dangling by the front of his captain's robe from his psychotic lieutenant's fists.

"The sake! Not the sake!" she wailed.

"Calm down Matsumoto!"

His eyes were bulged _'How could she act so brash over something so silly?'_

"I will die without it TAICHOOOUUU!"

Hitsugaya was sporting a major migraine. His lieutenant had been whining and crying nonstop for hours, and he barely made a dent in his paperwork.

He then vowed something he promised to fulfill once he gets his hands on the bastard that did this. _'I am going to kill whoever stole her sake.'_

* * *

'_**So, you got the stuff?'**_

'_Yeah I got the stuff!'_

'_**You ready?' **_asked his hollow.

The disguised boy nodded his head and began to charge at the person in his view.

"FOR DANCING WITH THE STARSSSSSS!" he yelled wielding a banana cream pie. He ran forward towards his victim. The disguised boy then shoved it into Captain Kurotsuchi's face.

'_**RUN LIKE A BIIIIIITCHHH!' **_commanded his hollow.

The boy shunpo-ed away as fast as his reistsu concealed legs could carry him. When he thought he was far enough, he leaned against a wall gasping for breath.

"That was a close one." he said grasping his heart.

"What was a close one, Akio?" asked Kurotsuchi who had just appeared out of the wall. Ichigo noticed he was covered in Cool Chip and had a banana in his ear.

"Ah, nothing Taichou!" Ichigo spluttered out, afraid for his life.

"Well, if you're not busy, why don't you assist me?" the mad scientist declared with an evil intent in his eyes, and a smirk that promised pain.

Ichigo gulped. _'Mommy'_

"Kurotsuchi-Taichou, I finished all of our paperwork as you asked me too," said Nemu, speaking in a gentle voice as she walked up to them.

"Not now Nemu!" he turned back to his prey to see that it was gone.

"Nemu, you will pay for this!' said the terribly abusive father.

* * *

"That was a close one!" he yelped in fear.

'_**Let's not piss that guy off again King, your weak body couldn't take the punishment.'**_

Ichigo reluctantly agreed with his hollow and went to the next prank on his list.

'_Oh, this will be an easy one' _he thought as he sighed in relief.

'_**Which one is it king?'**_

'_Put a bug in Yumichika's hair.'_

'_**Oh, you're right. Let's go find that she-male.'**_

The 11th division barracks was not very crowded. Most of the members were practicing in the training courtyard.

"Ohh, you are just too beautiful!" cried a femi-male voice.

Ichigo followed the sounds of conceitedness to Yumichika's door. He could hear a muffled voice and cracked the door open a little to see Yumichika sitting in front of a hand mirror observing himself.

"No one is more beautiful then you! Work it!" cheered the fifth seat, puckering his lips.

Ichigo then looked around the room to see the ceiling and walls covered with mirrors. As the femi-male stood up, the disguised boy notices he was wearing a two piece bathing suit.

'_What the hell is wrong with him?' tho_ught Ichigo.

Yumichika walked a few steps to retrieve a stereo and switched it on. He then began to strut across the room as if he was on the run away.

"Work it Beautiful!" he yelled to himself.

'_**Awkward.' **_commented Hichigo.

'_**How about we come another time?'**_

"_Nah, we might as well do it since we are already here.' _

He knocked on the fifth seat's door. "Hello? You in there?" he asked.

Yumichika answered the door, "What do you want?" he asked rolling his eyes at the 'less beautiful' man in front of him.

"Oh my god!" Ichigo yelled, pulling out a rolled up magazine.

"There's a bug in your hair!" He then began to beat the black haired man senselessly on the head.

"Holy motherthatisbeautiful, where! Where is the bug?" the man shrieked.

Little did he know that the rolled up magazine was filled with creepy crawlies Ichigo found outside.

"Get it out! Get it out! Get it out! I'm too beautiful for this!"

He was frantically smacking his head trying to shake out the varmints that dared to crawl on his godly head.

Ichigo was about to leave until he thought of another idea to spook the man beside him.

"I hope it's not lice, I heard that if it's bad enough, you may have to shave your head before they lay eggs in your ears," said Ichigo.

And with that, he exited the room, shutting the door while cutting off the Yumichika's wails.

'_**Is that true king?'**_

'_How the hell should I know?'_

* * *

'_Time to scare Hanatarō'_

Hanatarō was currently walking down the hallway in the 4th division barracks.

'_What a lovely day,' _he thought as he rounded a corner.

"BOO!"

"AHHHHH!" he yelled like a girl as he ran away.

* * *

'_**I think that was a record King,'**_ said Hichigo

'_You can say that again.' _

Ichigo then spotted a flick of white through the corner of his eye. _'Perfect.'_

Ukitake was on his way to deliver Hitsugaya-Taichou's daily bag of candy when he was stopped by his fourth seat.

"Well hello Akio! What brings you here?" asked his captain with real interest.

"Nothing really. Are those for captain Hitsugaya?" questioned Ichigo with an all too innocent look on his face.

"Yes they are!" he started to cough due to his illness.

"Taichou, are you all right?" asked the tall shinigami.

"I am fine Akio, if that is all, I will be on my way."

He continued to walk in the direction he was going to earlier. But the captain was stopped when he was asked, "Would you like me to deliver those to Hitsugaya-Taichou for you, since you seem to look so sick today?"

"Thank you Akio!" Ukitake said with a smile, while handing him the five pound bag. He hummed a goodbye and went back to his office.

Ichigo began walking, but not to Tōshirō's. Instead he headed over to Byakuya's mansion, since she seemed to always hang out there.

He places the candy in one of her secret tunnels with a yellow colored note that said:

_Dear Yachiru,_

_Enjoy!_

_From, _

_Byakushi_

He then heard the sound of laughter, and quickly exited the tunnel. But not before he heard an excited squeal.

"OOOO CANDY!"

10 seconds later

"That was yummy! Now I kind of wonder what butterflies taste like. Probably like butter! Maybe I should ask Maki-Maki? No, No, No, oh how about Byakushi. LETS GOOOOO!" shouted a hyper Yachiru.

She ran in circles while flapping her arms up and down. If you looked close enough you could see her vibrating.

"Byakushi! Here I come!"

She then ran to Byakuya's calligraphy club.

"Byakushi-kun! Byakushi-kun!" screamed the pink haired girl as she leapt on his back.

"Go horse, go!"

His eyes widened a bit. '_Pink devil.'_

* * *

'_I'm going to enjoy this one,' _thought Ichigo.

'_**Why's that?' **_asked his hollow.

'_Because Ikkaku is an annoying bastard, that's why.'_

They were in an almost abandoned training ground. Under a large shady tree, Ikkaku was found passed out cold. Ichigo pulled out a razor and a can of shaving cream. He then shaved off the man's eyebrows.

He then wrote 'TEE HEE' in black, permanent marker on the back of his head.

The disguised boy happily skipped off ready to start his new prank.

* * *

Meanwhile

Yachiru was still on her sugar high as she saw Ikkaku sleeping under a tree. The pink haired Fuka-Taichou launched a kick to his stomach.

"Baldy-Chan!" he sat up in pain from the impact. "Oh my gosh! Baldy-chan is even baldyier!"

"What are you talking about!" shouted the Bald man.

"She pulled a mirror out of her sleeve (just like Urahara, no one knows where it came from) and held it up for him to see.

"MY EYEBROWS!" he shrieked.

"Correction, No eyebrows."

"I am going to kill you, you little brat!"

He made a grab for her neck, but she quickly dodged the attack.

"I didn't do it, though I would like to congratulate whoever did, they saved me the effort."

"Why you little-"

She started screaming, "Ken-chan!"

"Oh shit!"

He got up and began to leave as fast as he could. Yachiru stared at the back of the figure that was currently running for his life. Then, she saw it and giggled.

"TEE HEE!"

* * *

Ichigo walked to the 7th division barracks hoping to find the captain there. As he made his way through the countless hallways, he finally saw the door to his office.

'_Here goes nothing.'_

"Captain Komamura, come quickly, one your seated officers is badly injured at the courtyard!"

"May I ask how my seated officer had gotten injured?" questioned the wolf.

'_Why the hell do people always ask me these kinds of questions! First they want to know what my name means, then they want to know my Zanpakutō's name, now this! What the hell is wrong with these people?'_

"Umm... he just happened to trip over his pants and got a boo boo," he replied.

"And which of my lieutenants were the one who had gotten this 'boo boo'?"

'_Ah, fuck I don't know anyone from the 7__th__ division.'_

'_**Well King, you can always go for Plan B,'**_ said Hichigo.

Ichigo actually did come prepared if something like this did happen. He reached into his robe to pull out a dog treat.

"Here boy, come get the treat!" shouted the disguised boy.

"HOLY SHIT! TREAT!"

The captain jumped out of seat and onto the table. He began to wag his tail and waited for Ichigo's command.

"Now follow me if you want the treat," he said as he started to guide him to the training courtyard.

Once the two got there, they noticed it was pretty much empty. Ichigo looked up to see the night sky filled with bright, luminous stars that lit up the sky. In addition, he sees the quarter moon joining the stars.

'_**Shit King, I thought there was supposed to be a full moon tonight.'**_

"Where the fuck is my treat!" shouted the wolf captain.

"Umm… fetch?"

He threw the treat in the farthest spot of the courtyard. This gave the disguised boy a few moments to come up with another plan.

'_I got it!'_

"Hey Komamura-Taichou!" shouted Ichigo.

The wolf captain turned around to face Ichigo, but what he saw made his eyes go wide.

The disguised shinigami turned the other way and pulled his pants down to reveal a full moon.

"Ugh full moon! My eyes they burn!"

The captain was currently blinded and way trying to find his way out of the courtyard.

'_**Hahaha, Kingy that went better than we planned,' **_howled Hichigo.

"Alright eight pranks down, two more to go," said Ichigo.

* * *

Ichigo made his way to the 2nd Division barracks, but dressed as a woman again. He then spotted a certain captain making her way towards her. _'After two years, she really looks different.'_

'_**Checking her out Kingy-chan?' **_teased the hollow.

Ichigo ignored him and focused his attention on the matter at hand. The captain had just came to a stop right in front of him.

"What is your name? What division are you from and what are you doing here?"

"My name is Rin, I am from the sixth division, and I was told to deliver this to you," the disguised boy said as he handed her a heart shaped box.

Suì-Fēng, as curious as she was, opened the box to see dozens of chocolates in it.

"Who are these from?" she questioned.

"From me," replied Ichigo.

"And why are you giving them to me?"

"Because I am interested in taking you to my quarters for the night," he answered as he wrapped his arms around the captain, and brought her closer.

"What makes you think that I am interested in you!" she angrily shouted.

"But aren't you a lesbian?"

The question led him to earn a quite painful kick to the shin.

"Ow, shit that hurt!"

'_**You shouldn't have tried to use the direct approach. Man, even Renji is better at this than you. Try ripping a page from his book and use those stupid pick up lines.'**_

'_Ugh fine, I'll try a pick up line.'_

Ichigo notices that the captain had turned around to make her way back to the barracks.

'_Here goes nothing.'_

"Hey just so you know, I used to have a very high position in the World of Living. I was from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and now I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position!" shouted Ichigo.

Little did he know that the crappy pick up line he chose led to him being chased by multiple knives.

* * *

'_Ugh. My body hurts.'_

Ichigo was walking back from the 4th division with a few bandages wrapped around his arms, chest, legs, and his head due to a few sharp objects. Good thing he was in his regular disguise. He did not want to deal with anymore annoying males hitting on him, nor did he want to deal with anymore sharp knives being thrown at him.

'_**We never got to figure out if she was a lesbian, Kingy. She would have made a nice addition to your harem,' **_voiced his hollow.

'_I don't have a harem, now shut the hell up so we can get to the next prank.'_

'_**Alright sheesh, don't get your boxers in a bunch.'**_

'_I thought it was panties.'_

'_**What?'**_

'_Isn't it "Don't get your panties in a bunch".'_

'_**Oh, so you're admitting you wear panties!'**_

'_Wh-What! I do not!' _

'_**And you said I was the gay one,' **_said his hollow who was howling with laughter.

The disguised boy walked through the hallways as he muttered profanities at his annoying hollow. He was just about to open the door to his room when he heard a familiar voice.

"Hello Akio."

Ichigo turned around to see his raven haired Fuka-Taichou standing next to him.

"Greetings, midget," he said with a smug look written across his face.

The recent comment earned him a kick in the shin.

"Ow! What the fuck do you think you're doing! Don't you know better than to attack the weak and injured!"

"Oh please, the kidou that blows up in your face does a lot worse than this," replied Rukia.

'_**Hah she's got a point Kingy-chan,' **_said Hichigo.

"Well might I ask why you are here?" questioned Ichigo.

"I am here to collect the paperwork you have finished," responded the violet eyed shinigami.

"Well alright, follow me."

The disguised boy opened the door and walked in with Rukia following his trail. When they reached his desk, Ichigo retrieved his paperwork and handed it to his Fuka-Taichou.

At first glance, Rukia automatically noticed many mistakes.

"I hope you know that you did it wrong," said Rukia.

"What? Are you serious! What the hell is wrong with it!"

"Well for starters, you put your signature in the wrong place. And second, you spelled your name wrong," replied the short shinigami.

Ichigo started cursing profanities while kicking his desk repeatedly. _'That paperwork took more than five damn hours of my time and now I find out that I fucking did it wrong!'_

Rukia's violet eyes were filled with amusement as she watched the fourth seat kick his desk. She then looked at the first page of paperwork to see how he spelled his name wrong.

"How the hell did you go through the academy spelling your name as 'Takio'?"

"My name is Akio! And how would you know if my name isn't spelled that way? That could be a silent 'T'!" shouted the disguised boy.

Rukia sighed and said, "Look I'll correct your paperwork by myself, but just know that you owe me."

"Umm… Thanks?"

The raven haired shinigami then exited his room carrying the tall stack of paperwork in her hands.

'_**Alright King, Now that we are alone-,'**_

'_Don't even say what I think you're about to say,' _responded Ichigo, cutting off his hollow.

'_**Damn are you dirty, King. I was just going to say that we should start our last prank.'**_

The disguised shinigami grabbed his phone and began to dial a number.

He held up his phone to his ear to hear an old, muffled voice.

"_Hello."_

"Hello is this Yamamoto?" he asked into the receiver.

"_Yes, who is this?"_

"What do you mean who is this? Don't you remember me from last night?"

"_Last night?"_

"Yeah last night, you know in the boy's bathroom we-,"

"_Don't tell me you're pregnant!" _

"Eh? What?"

"_Oh wait, so you're not the…. I mean who are you and what division are you from!" _

Ichigo could tell that the Captain-commander was pissed.

"Oh, umm… my name is Kiyone from the 13th division. Well, Bye!"

The disguised boy pressed the red end call button and began to dial another number.

"_Hello, this is Captain Hitsugaya speaking. How may I help you?"_

"Greetings, this is Michio, president of the Midget Club, and I would like to recruit you as our new vice president," said Ichigo.

"_Midget Club? Sir, I assure you that I am not a midget."_

Ichigo knew that the young 10th division captain was trying not to lose his cool.

"Sir, I would like for you to stop being in denial and embrace the truth. We offer a free gift basket if you join within the next five minutes."

"_I am not a midget! Although, what's in the gift basket?"_

"Umm… candy, some height boosting protein bars, and a box."

"_What's the box used for?"_

"To stand on, duh! What other reason would you need a box for? Oh but if you take this offer now, along with the gift basket, I'll grant you access to the Box Lover's Club as well!"

There was a moment of silence before the captain hung up on him.

'_**Well that was rude!'**_ cried the hollow.

'_Tell me about it. I even offered him a gift basket!'_

The disguised shinigami looked at his list of pranks to see that there was only one last person left to call.

He dialed the number and received a greeting in his usual, cold voice.

"_Hello," _said Byakuya.

"Is your refrigerator running?" asked Ichigo

"_What?"_

"Then you better go catch it!"

"_Nii-sama who is it?" _

Ichigo knew that familiar voice in the background.

"_Here it's for you,"_ said Byakuya, handing the phone to his adopted sister. Ichigo knew that the captain could care less about this pointless phone call and handed the phone to Rukia.

'_Shit! This isn't how I planned it," _thought Ichigo.

"_Hello, who is this?" _asked Rukia.

"Umm… this is Bob."

'_**Really, Bob? King, do you have to name everything Bob?'**_ complained Hichigo.

'_No of course not. I eat cereal every morning, and I don't know the name of it. You don't see me calling it Bob every day,' _interjected Ichigo.

"_I do not know a Bob. I think you have the wrong number,"_ said Rukia.

"Umm… Right, yeah wrong number," said Ichigo as he hung up.

'_Man it's been a long day,' _thought Ichigo.

Ichigo went to lie down on his bed and crossed his arms under his head. He stared up at the ceiling wondering what he'll do tomorrow. He sighed, _'Paperwork, of course.'_

His eyes began to droop and after a few moments, they shut. The shinigami was now lying in his bed fast asleep, dreaming about a certain raven haired midget.

His last thoughts were, _'Maybe she would join the Midget Club. I'll give her a gift basket too.'_

* * *

**AgentK: Hello, I have decided to write an end note since AgentN likes to end it boringly.**

**AgentN: Pft, at least I don't trip over my pants like you, that is why I made that joke.**

**AgentK: Any ways, we would like to say that we do not own dancing with the stars, nor do we watch it. Oh and we do not own bleach ;D**

**AgentN: I already stated that in the beginning. Though I may not own Tite Kubo's Bleach, I do have the cleaning kind. I can show the receipt too!**

******AgentK: Read, Review, enjoy. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Thank you to all who reviewed. Agent K and I kind of had writer's block this week so we hope this chapter is good enough. But anyways enjoy the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Bleach.**

Chapter 7

Deep Sleep

* * *

The bright sunlight permeated through the blinds, waking up a certain carrot top.

Ichigo lifted himself off the bed and made his way to the bathroom. He then used the kidou spell to disguise himself again. This seemed to be his daily routine from now.

The orange haired boy walked out of the small bathroom and heard a knock at the door.

"Akio, Ukitake-Taichou would like to see you!" yelled Rukia at the other side of the door.

'_Probably more paperwork,' _he thought.

The disguised boy opened the door to see a short, raven haired midget looking up at him.

"Ukitake-Taichou wants you in his office now," said Rukia.

They both walked through the hallways in a comfortable silence. They both halted in front of their captain's door, before knocking it.

"Come in," said Ukitake.

They both went into the room and knelt down before their captain.

"Akio, right now I am giving you the S.M.P.P." explained the white haired Taichou.

"Seals Misuse Pee Pees?" questioned Ichigo.

"No idiot, it stands for the Seated Member's Procedure Pamphlet," said the raven haired shinigami, kicking the disguised boy in the shin.

"This pamphlet explains the procedures and things a seated member like you must do," continued Ukitake.

The disguised boy took the pamphlet and opened it to see the different jobs he was supposed to do, and how each one is done.

"Now then, I was informed that you would be doing Rukia's paperwork as well as yours today."

"What! Since when!"

"Since you owed me," said Rukia.

'_**What the hell! More paperwork! I already had enough of it! That's it, I don't care if she is going to have you future babies, let me at her!' **_shouted his hollow.

The disguised boy blushed at that. He was so deep in thought that he didn't hear his taichou dismissing Rukia.

"Ah, young love," said Ukitake, interrupting his thoughts,

"Excuse me?"

"I have taken a notice that you like my seated member."

"I don't like Rukia!" yelled Ichigo.

"Now who said anything about Rukia?" said the smirking, white haired captain.

The disguised boy mumbled curses under his breath while taking his large stack of paperwork and leaving, not even bowing respectfully towards his captain.

* * *

The disguised boy was in his office completing his paperwork for what seems like hours. Ichigo dropped the pen to rub his large, cramped hands. He looked over to his right to see that he hasn't even made a dent in the paperwork.

'_Ugh! I'm never going to get this finished!' _thought Ichigo.

'_**Hey Kingy, you spelled your name wrong again.'**_

The disguised boy grumbled as he began to cross out his mistake. He continued to do his annoying paperwork for a few more minutes until a knock was heard across the room.

"Come in," said Ichigo.

And then, three people he did not expect to see entered his room. A man with a green and white, stripped hate over his blonde hair walked in, along with a woman with dark purple hair. And then behind those two was man with short, black hair and a beard.

"Hat n' Clogs? Yoruichi? Old man? What the hell are you guys doing here?"

"SON!" shouted Isshin who ran up to his disguised son.

"What the hell! Answer the damn question!" yelled Ichigo as he punched his father in the stomach.

"Can't a responsible father check on his son to see if he had made me any grandchildren with my third daughter," replied Isshin.

That comment led to another punch in the stomach.

"It seems like no one has figured out your disguise yet. Not even your soon-to-be girlfriend," said Urahara.

"For the last time, I don't like Rukia!"

"But he didn't say anything about Rukia," exclaimed Yoruichi who had a smirk written across her face.

Ichigo turned his head back to his paperwork, trying to cover up the blush that spread through his cheeks.

'_Damn it, why does everyone keep doing this?'_

'_**Because it's obvious that you like her. I mean, the way you stare at her ass or bre-,'**_

'_I don't stare at her like that! Gosh, you're making me sound like a pervert.'_

"WHAT! So you haven't even tried to make me grandchildren! Masaki, why did our dear son turn out to be gay!" cried the old goat chinned.

While Ichigo was distracted by kicking his father repeatedly, he did not notice the shopkeeper place a small gray machine under his desk.

After he placed the machine there, he turned to Ichigo and said, "I made you this much more improved necklace that hides you reistsu a little better."

"Umm… Thanks, but this is pink," said Ichigo.

"No it's not! Can't you see the difference it's salmon!" cried the humble shopkeeper.

"Isn't that the same thing?" questioned Ichigo.

"No it's not!"

"Well I don't want it."

"Why not?"

"Because it's pink," said Ichigo.

"It's salmon."

"Pink."

"Salmon."

"Pink!"

"Salmon!"

"PINK!"

"SALMON!"

Then there was another knock on the door. Ichigo opened it to see the same lady he saw the other night. **(Refer to chp. 5)**

"How many times have I told you to shut the hell up!" she yelled and then left.

"Fine you don't have to take it, but you'll soon regret it later. Plus, this necklace will go well with the new hat I made," said Urahara.

The shopkeeper then took off his regular hat and sported a new salmon and white stripped hat, along with wearing the new necklace.

"Will you three just leave already?"

"Fine we will, but we'll come again to check up on you soon," said Yoruichi.

"Bye son! MAKE SURE TO MAKE GRANDCHILDREN!" yelled his father, as the three of them walked out of the room.

After a minute or so, he heard a knock again.

Ichigo sighed, _'What now?'_

He opened the door again to see the same lady. But this time she slapped him in the face.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"That wasn't even me this time," yelled Ichigo.

"Then who was it then? Your invisible, imaginary friend?" she asked sarcastically, seeing that there was no one else in the room besides him.

Ichigo, who was so mad, slammed the door right in her face. He then sat back down at his desk and continued to do his annoying paperwork. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a black butterfly coming near him.

'_Why does everything have to annoy me while I do paperwork!'_

The disguised boy held out his finger to have the hell butterfly sit on it and play the message in his mind.

_Akio, this is your Taichou speaking. I would like you to come to my office to pick up something._

He sighed and was about to send a message back to him when he suddenly realized he didn't know how to work a hell butterfly.

'_How does this thing work!'_

'_**Hey King, try looking for a button,' **_said Hichigo.

His idea made the tall shinigami scoff. _'Like there would be a button on a butterfly.'_

'_**You won't know until you try.'**_

Ichigo then pushed the butterfly, trying to get it to work. But instead, he ended up killing the small butterfly in his hands.

'_**Nice going, smart one.'**_

'_What! It was your idea!'_

'_**No, I said to look for a button, but you ended up touching the butterfly in inappropriate places, and killing it in the process,' **_explained Hichigo.

'_Why the hell do I have to deal with so many idiots in my life?'_

He sighed and got up from his desk. The disguised boy then walked to his captain's office and knocked at his door. After he heard the command to come in, he entered and bowed respectfully in front of him.

"Akio, I need you to run over to Captain Kuchiki and give him these papers. Also, tell him it's from a friend who asked me to deliver it to him. Make sure to hand this personally to him and here is a map, you might need it."

"Hai, Ukitake-Taichou!"

The disguised shinigami grabbed the papers, bowed respectfully again, and then made his way to the Kuchiki Manor. He looked up at the mansion and awed at the size of it.

Ichigo spotted a guard sporting red and blue armor approaching him.

"Sir, who are you and what are you doing here?" asked the guard.

"My name is Tachibana Akio, a fourth seat of the thirteenth division, and I was asked to personally hand this to Kuchiki-Taichou," said Ichigo.

"Very well, you may pass," the guard replied.

"Thank you."

He walked towards the mansion and tried to make his way to Byakuya's office. It turns out that the map wasn't helping him at all as he got lost in the countless hallways. _'I might as well wander around looking for it.'_

The disguised boy was walking for what seemed like two hours and came to a stop.

"WHERE THE HELL IS THAT DOUCHE BAG'S OFFICE!"

"Well if you're looking for my brother's office you walk down the hallway and make a left, and it's the first door on the right," said an amused Rukia.

He looked to his right to see a raven haired shinigami leaning on the door frame of her room with her arms crossed.

'_**Of course the first thing you find is her room. Want to try finding her bed? I'm sure she'll be glad to help you, and why not fill your old man's wishes?' **_said Hichigo.

Ichigo ignored his hollow and scoffed at the shorty in front of him, "I knew that."

"Oh really? Then why were you yelling a minute ago and have a map in your hands?"

"The map was useless anyway," replied Ichigo.

"That's because you were holding it backwards," said the violet eyed girl.

"Shut up," he mumbled as he made his way to his office. The tall shinigami knocked on the captain's door to hear a "Come in."

He then opened the door, and there sat Byakuya with a cold expression on his face.

"What do you want?" he asked coldly.

"I was asked to deliver these papers to you," replied Ichigo who handed the papers to the expressionless captain.

"Who is it from?" questioned Byakuya.

'_Well I might as well have some fun while I'm here.'_

"Well, it's from this guy, who knows this guy, who knows this other guy, who knows this guy's sister, who knows this guy, who knows this guy who owns the boy's bathroom, who knows this guy, who knows this guy, who this guy's cousin, who knows this guy, who knows this guy's brother in law's sister's aunt's brother, who knows this guy, who knows this guy's wife who cheated on him for some Scandinavian woman, who knows this guy, who knows this guy's first cousin's aunt's sister in law from the park, who knows this other's guy…."

As Ichigo continued, he noticed the cold expressionless face of the captain was turning into an annoyed, angered look.

"Scatter, Senbonzakura."

A loud yell erupted from his office that was heard by servants, guards, and of course Rukia.

"Fuck you!" yelled Ichigo who now had his clothes ripped up and a few cuts on his arms and face.

"What did you say?" questioned the black haired captain.

The disguised boy knew he was close to the last straw, so he decided not to say anything else.

"Okay, okay, I take it back! UnFuck you!"

'_This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting,' _he thought.

Ichigo walked out of his office to meet an amused Rukia.

"Not one word from you," growled the disguised boy.

"Fine, but you still have kidou training with me," she said.

"Do I have to?" asked Ichigo who was sulking.

"Yes you have to! It's bad enough you insulted my brother with your foul mouth. And it's the very LEAST you can do to make up for it! You are such lazy asshole!"

She was beyond livid at this point. What kind of guy at his level in power, goes off insulting a captain?

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT!" he retorted back at the fuming girl.

"I'M NOT SHOUTING, YOU ARE!" yelled Rukia as she punched him square in the jaw.

"OWIE! NOW I HAVE A BOOBOO, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?" shouted Ichigo, grasping his bruised face.

She gave him a blank stare that said _'Does it look like I give a fuck?' _

She sighed and said, "Let's just get to practice."

The raven haired shinigami turned around and began to walk to the training grounds.

"Fine, have it your way." he mutters under his breath.

"Oh I will have it my way, Burger King Style." she said, somehow hearing him.

As they approached the trench, Ichigo got an idea. _'She did it to me the last time, so why can't I do it to her?'_

He brought up his leg to kick her in the back, and down the training trench.

"Surprise Attack!" he yelled as he thrust his leg forward.

To his surprise, the attack did not work, but backfired onto him.

Rukia had maneuvered his kick like the time when they first met in his bedroom, and he tumbled and rolled down the slope. His head stopped a mere inch from a big pile of dog shit.

Ichigo got up and yelled, "Haha, I didn't land in dog shit this time!"

Just as he finished his sentence, a bird flew by and took a crap on his shoulder.

Rukia chuckled and said, "Baka, don't underestimate me."

"Why do you have dogs shitting on the ground anyway? Shouldn't you have like a 300 yen fine for whoever owns the dog and doesn't pick up its shit?"

She clenched her jaw and fist while sporting a determined look.

"No matter how hard we try, we can't catch that bastard!"

His eyes were wide and said, "You mean to tell me that soul society can track you down in the World of Living to execute you, but they can't find the owner of the shitting dog?"

She turned to look at him with suspicion gleaming in her eyes.

"How did you know I was going to be executed?"

Ichigo was quick to answer, having to already prepare for a situation like this.

"Of course I would know! Everyone knows! You're the reason why the Winter War Hero got his powers and saved us all!" replied the disguised boy.

"Yes, I suppose you are right." Said Rukia, as her eyes softened.

Then, a wicked grin formed on her face.

"But that does not stop me from Kidou'ing the ugly right off your face!" yelled Rukia, shooting a Hado at his face.

"I am not ugly!" shouted Ichigo as he dodged.

He then yelled out the incantation, _"Ye lord! Mask of blood and flesh, all creation, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of Man! Inferno and pandemonium, the sea barrier surges, march on to the south!"_

Next he held out his hand and said, _"Hadō N.31: Shakkahō!"_

A loud explosion erupted as the red fireball was shot at Rukia. Just when Ichigo was cheering on the inside because he had finally shot a successful kidou spell, the ball veered off course and hit a tree. Poor tree.

"Are you kidding me!" he screamed as he threw his arms up in the air with frustration.

"I give up!"

Rukia walked over to him and said, "Since just practicing isn't helping you, I would like to teach you a trick."

He nodded his head as she continued.

"Imagine all of your reistsu inside you. I know you are a quite promising student, so you have an efficient amount of it. When you recite a spell, try to let the reistsu flow into a small stream throughout your hand. It will flow out instead of creating a big explosion."

"Okay, I'll try it," he said, as she went off to the place she was standing before.

_"Ye lord! Mask of blood and flesh, all creation, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of Man! Inferno and pandemonium, the sea barrier surges, march on to the south!"_

Next he held out his hand and used the trick Rukia had just taught him.

"_Hadō N.31: Shakkahō!"_

This time a medium sized, red fireball shot a straight course towards Rukia.

Her eyes widened. _'How did he learn that so fast?'_

She chanted a Bakudō, _"Bakudo N.81 Dankū!"_

A triangular shield appeared before her, as the fire ball impacted with the shield and exploded into a fiery mass.

Rukia continued to stare at him in awe.

"Akio, that was amazing! No one has ever been able to learn it that fast, once I taught them that trick!"

He just stood there smiling like an idiot. The disguised boy felt proud that the midget was complementing him.

'_**Yeah King, she might even reward you, if you know what I mean,'**_said Hichigo, while he wiggled his eyebrows in his inner world.

"Akio, it's getting late. Since you have already accomplished this much, I'm giving you the night off," said Rukia who was smiling at him.

"Sure! I...uh... mean...thanks!" he stuttered out as he turned to leave.

'_**DUDE! Don't just leave! Ask her to do something!'**_ his hollow yelled.

'_Why?' _

'_**Well, since your life is already boring enough because your stupid mind can't come up with anymore pranks to play, you might as well spend your time with someone who will actually talk to you, other than me. People will start to think you're crazy.'**_

Ichigo mentally sighed and stopped walking.

"Hey, Rukia,"

"What?" the raven haired girl asked curiously.

"Do you want to hang out at my place? Ever since I got here, I've been stuck doing boring paperwork."

She just stood there with wide eyes. _'He wants to hang out with me? Wow, guess he isn't that much of an idiot after all. And I might as well hang out with him because he still is suspicious.'_

"Fine, I had nothing to do anyway," she said as she began to follow him to his room.

"So, what do you do other than paperwork?" asked Ichigo.

"Well, I train you and other squad members. I don't usually do much other than that. Sometimes I go to parties that the divisions throw, but I'm really not a party person."

She noticed that she was comfortable around him and could tell him random, stupid things that no one else would care about.

"Yeah, me either," he said as they entered his room.

'_Why is my desk chair missing?' _he thought to himself. Now the only place for them to sit was his bed or the floor.

The disguised boy was just about to sit on the bed when Rukia said, "Hey! Since that's the only place to sit, don't you think I should sit there?"

"Don't think so, midget. Why don't you take the floor since you're used to being so close to the ground."

She kicked him in the head.

"Like hell am I sitting on the ground, scoot over."

She then shoved him to the point where he almost fell off the bed, and plopped herself next to him. He rolled back closer to her so he wouldn't fall off and moved into a sitting position.

"Stupid Midget," he grumbled while crossing his arms. He then heard giggles.

"What was that?" he asked her.

"I didn't hear anything, it must be your imaginary friend or something," she said with a huff.

"I do not have an imaginary friend!"

As they continued to bicker, they didn't notice the purple gas coming out from under his desk. As it began to permeate through the room, the two shinigamis' eyes began to close.

Rukia yawned, "Hey do you feel ti-," she didn't get to finish her sentence as she fell asleep, and so did Ichigo soon afterwards.

As they were sleeping, the giggling got even louder. Then out of nowhere Yoruichi, Urahara, and Isshin's head popped out from behind the window.

"What a great idea Kisuke!" Yorichi complemented him as she stared at the couple on the bed.

"It was nothing Yoruichi-san! All I did was set up the machine under Ichigo's desk that lets off sleeping gas, five minutes after it senses Rukia-chan's reistsu!"

"What a brilliant idea! My pathetic son would never have the guts to tell Rukia-chan his feelings. Giving him a little push won't harm him. Although, I wish we could stay the night so we could see their reactions when they wake up." said an exited Isshin.

"Don't worry Kurosaki-san! I set up a video camera in the corner of the room!" Urahara happily replied.

All three of the elderly shinigami chuckled as they exited the room through the window, but not before they returned Ichigo's chair.

* * *

The light began to shine through the blinds on a certain raven haired shinigami's face.

She was beginning to wake up, but for some reason, she didn't want to this morning. The violet eyed girl felt so warm, caged inside a pair of strong arms that wrapped around her waist. She could feel warm puffs of air being released on the crook of her neck.

'_Wait, why is someone sleeping with me? All I remember is being in Akio's room, and then all of a sudden I passed out...'_

"Akio, get up and release me!" yelled Rukia.

But she didn't hear a reply. Instead, he just snuggled her closer to his chest. The short shinigami then began to struggle.

"Let me go you fool!"

Eventually she ended up flipping around in his arms to face him, and what she saw shocked her.

Right before her, she saw orange, spiky hair and she could only think one thing.

"Oh shit, It's-,"

* * *

**Agent K: Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter**

**AgentN: Yup!**

**Ichigo: Why did you make my character so stupid!**

**AgentK: Because it's fun to mess with you, silly! (C:**

**AgentN: Nice nose for the smiley face!**

**AgentK: Thanks!**

**Ichigo: HA I bet the only reason you come up with this crap is because you're so fucked up in the brain!**

**AngentK: Ichi, you're so mean to us! What's the next thing you're going to do, eat a baby?**

**Ichigo: I would not eat a baby-**

**AgentN: BABY EATER!**

**Ichigo: Shut up you morons!**

**AgentK: I think you should watch what you say because we control what goes on in the story.**

**AgentK & AgentN: *Evil smirks***

**Ichigo *gulps* Oh shit**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: We apologize for lateness again. Finals are this week and it is a pain in the ass to deal with. But at least we got the chapter done. Thank you to all that reviewed, we are close to 40 reviews, which is pretty good. And we also apologize for any spelling/grammar mistakes we did not catch. We hope you enjoy the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: **We do not own Bleach

Chapter 8

Disguise Yourself

* * *

_Her eyes were filled with lust and longing as she looked up at him._

_"Ichigo," she whispered._

_She leaned forward, and he felt his pulse jump._

_"Ichigo!" he heard her say again, only a little louder than the last time._

Right as they were about to kiss, he felt a sharp sting on his cheek after one last loud exclamation.

"Ichigo!"

His eyes cracked open and started to roam the room._ 'It was just a dream'_

His vision was a bit hazy after his peaceful nap, but they were wide opened when his eyes stopped at a fuming girl in his arms.

He instantly released her and scuttled back to the edge of the bed. The orange haired boy began to scream excuses for what had just happened.

"I was not hitting on you! I just passed out, and I don't know why!" he said as he tried to recall the night before.

She then started to yell at him, "That's not the point! The point is, why the hell are you here! I knew Akio wasn't real..."

"What are you talking about, midget? I am Akio!"

"Why don't you check a mirror, 'ICHIGO'," she snorted.

The raven haired shinigami got up from the bed and walked over to his desk. She picked up a hand mirror, and flung it at his head.

It smashed against his 'thick skull' and the mirror's broken pieces scattered all over the covers.

"Crazy bitch," he mumbled as he looked into one of the mirror's fragments.

_'Oh Shit!' _Ichigo thought as he saw his orange, spiky hair, and amber eyes.

_**'Kingy-chan, you're so screwed,' **_cackled his hollow, who was taking pleasure in the current situation.

Ichigo was pulled out of his panicking when he heard Rukia's serious tone of voice.

"Explain yourself, Ichigo," said Rukia

He didn't want to give up his cover that easily, so he scoffed and said, "What are you talking about? I'm not Ichigo."

The short shinigami narrowed her eyes in disbelief.

"Then how do you explain your new appearance?"

_'Okay, think... Got it!' _

"Well, it's obvious that I'm still Akio, just my hair and eyes changed color. This is due to the fact that they change colors because of my mood, kind of like a mood ring."

"DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID?" she hollered.

"No,"

Rukia ignored him and continued ranting.

"And if your hair does change according to your mood, why hasn't it changed before, hmmm? From what I see, you're a moody bitch!" she screamed.

"I'm not a moody bitch! You are!" he screamed back.

"So what were you feeling just now? Go on, enlighten me!" she said with intense sarcasm.

_**'Sexually aroused,' **_suggested his perverted hollow.

Ichigo ignored him and decided to finally tell Rukia the truth.

"Okay, you're right, I'm Ichigo," he sighed

"No shit," she replied as she crossed her arms and glared at him.

The two shinigami sat in an awkward silence until she broke it.

"Why are you here?"

'_What do I do? I can't tell her that I'm here for revenge... I'll have to lie.'_

"I'm waiting," said Rukia, as she began to tap her foot impatiently.

"I'm here because I have recently regained my shinigami powers. Urahara has told me that the Gotei 13 wants to recruit me for a high position, but I don't think I'm ready for it. I disguised myself so I could still help out without them discovering the return of my powers."

He knew this sounded sappy. Why would he be afraid to become captain or any other position? He had already beaten Aizen, and two powerful Espada members.

She began to relax when he said this.

"But why didn't you tell me? I could have helped."

Ichigo had gotten angry when she said that.

"It's not like you ever visited me in the human world, so you wouldn't know!" he yelled while pointing an accusing finger at her.

"I couldn't visit you! The Captain-Commander had banned it! If I could have visited you, I would have! Now, you're running through the streets of Seireitei like an idiot! You shouldn't even be here!"

For some reason, Ichigo felt hurt at the last thing she said. His voice softened when he said, "I know that, but I'm only here temporarily. I'll leave if you want me to."

The violet eyed girl couldn't stand the defeated tone he had just used. She didn't want him to leave either; she knew she had to fix this.

"Don't worry Ichigo, I don't want you to leave," she said gently.

He looked up at her and said, "You don't?"

She chuckled, "No, of course not, why would I want one of my best friends to leave me? You can stay here in disguise as long as you want. I'll keep your secret. And, when you're ready, you can leave Seireitei, and come back as Ichigo so that you can get a higher position."

"Thank you Rukia."

She smiled at the fact that he was staying. Even she had to admit that she had missed him dearly.

"So, who made your disguise? It kind of reminds me of shit and vomit."

_**'Haha, Kingy! Even she agrees with me!'**_

"Tch, whatever midget."

Just as he said that, a hell butterfly fluttered into the room though the window.

The black butterfly then softly landed on Rukia's finger and played a message in her mind.

_Lieutenant Kuchiki, this is you Taichou speaking, come to my office to receive orders._

"That's my cue, Carrot-top. I'll see you later, and don't forget to disguise yourself before you go out."

The raven haired shinigami then jumped out his window and shunpo-ed off to her captain's office.

* * *

Rukia felt warm and happy inside as she approached her captain's office. _'He's back, Ichigo is back.'_

She knocked on the tall door of his office.

"Come in," said a soft voice.

Rukia walked into the room and bowed respectfully to her captain.

"You have summoned me, Taichou?"

She glanced at her captain and discovered that he wasn't alone.

Right next to Captain Ukitake sat the white haired, ice-Zanpakutō wielder, Captain Hitsugaya.

"Rukia, please stand," commanded her Taichou.

She stood and kept her eyes on her captain, _'They were probably discussing captain issues.'_

"Rukia, I have a mission for you in the World of Living. There have been some occurrences of high hollow reistsus. I would like for you take someone else with you and defeat these hollows because the shinigami who was stationed in Karakura Town seems to have gone missing. You will be stationed there until we can find a replacement."

"Hai, Ukitake-taicho!" she said as she bowed.

"You are dismissed," he said with the nod of his head.

She got up and exited the room. _'I think I know who I should take,' _

And with that, she shunpo-ed off to where Ichigo was doing his paperwork.

* * *

Ukitake tuned to the white haired captain beside him.

"So Shiro-chan, do you need something?" he asked to the shorter man..

Tōshirō had a vain throbbing on his head.

'_Is it that hard to say Hitsugaya-Taichou?' _he thought angrily.

Tōshirō then spoke, "Yes, I would like to borrow your lieutenant for a week when she returns from her mission in the World of Living."

Ukitake looked confused, "Why would you need my lieutenant?"

The short captain sighed, "I was on a mission three weeks ago, and then I came back, and my paperwork had piled up because my lieutenant has disregarded her duties. I have to get that work and the work I have now, done within two weeks. Considering the amount of paperwork, I won't be able to get it all done in time."

"But why my lieutenant? Surely there are others available," said Ukitake.

Tōshirō sighed yet again, "All the other lieutenants are unavailable. Two are filling in as captains, one is in recovery, five are currently very busy helping out their captains, and four are either too lazy or incapable of doing this amount of work," he paused and then said, "I have also heard that Vice Captain Kuchiki is an admirable and progressive worker."

Ukitake smiled. He liked it when the members of his squad get complimented. It gave him a sense of pride.

"Yes she is very good at her job. Well, since I can get my third seats to help me out with paperwork, I'll let you have Rukia for a week when she gets back. But only on one condition."

"And what is that?"

"I get to give you as much candy as I want for the entire year."

* * *

Ichigo was currently in his room trying to get his paperwork done.

"Ichigo!"

When he heard his name, his eyes widen in surprise, and his pen went flying into the air.

Rukia bursted through the door and was now standing beside him.

"Oi, don't say my name, I'll get caught if you do! Just call me Akio. And another thing, DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT!"

"Okay fine, Akio," said the older shinigami.

It felt weird for her to say that now that she knew it was really him.

"So what do you need?" he asked.

"I have a mission in Karakura Town. Would you like to accompany me?"

"Yes, let's go!" he said, grabbing her wrist and running out the door.

'_I'M FREE! Free from paperwork!'_

He didn't even realize that he was still holding onto her wrist. Rukia looked down at both of their hands and a slight twinge of pink tainted her cheeks. But it was gone as soon as it appeared.

"Let go you idiot!" she yelled while kicking him in the shin.

As the Senkaimon opened, two shinigami stepped out of the bright, white light. Seeing his home town again gave him a slight feeling of happiness.

"Okay, let's get to Urahara's shop to retrieve our gigais." she said as they began to walk to their destination.

When they reached the shop, they heard wild shouting. The door flew open and a blonde haired man with a new salmon and white striped hat entered their view.

"Ichigo, Rukia, you're back!" yelled Urahara excitedly.

The two of them entered the shop to see three TV screens lined up, side by side on the wall. All three of the screens were showing different clips of a video. The first showed Akio's currently empty room. The second screen in the middle showed a video of Ichigo and Rukia together, sleeping in each others' arms. And lastly, the third screen showed the argument the two had a few hours back.

"Why are their videos of us on the three screens?" asked Ichigo.

"What screens?" questioned Urahara as he tried to put a red curtain over the three TVs.

Then suddenly, it all made sense now.

The disguised boy was so pissed. _'Why the hell did he give away my disguise!'_

"So you're the one who made us pass out last night? Why did you do it?"

"That information is classified," he said behind his fan.

Ichigo began to hit him sensibly until a black cat leaped up onto his face and began to claw on it.

"Ah get off!" he yelled as he threw the cat off of him.

"Yo, Ichigo," said the cat in deep male voice.

"What was that for, Yoruichi?" he yelled.

"It's my special way of greeting you, if you want, I can change into my human form to greet you..."

"NO!" he yelled with a blush, remembering the last time she did that.

She chuckled, "So, did you guys come to see your home videos?"

Ichigo and Rukia looked at both of them strangely and said in unison,

"What home videos?"

Urahara pulled out a disk from his robes and placed it in a DVD player.

"I hope you don't mind, but I made this DVD while you were sleeping last night."

_On the one of the screens appeared Ichigo and Rukia in his bed._

_It was zoomed in to where Ichigo was holding her close to him and his one f hands were on her breast._

"PERVERT!" yelled Rukia, as she kicked him in the nuts.

As he was holding himself in pain, he said, "How was I supposed to know! I was sleeping!"

Then the screen changed scenes.

_Their legs were intertwined and their faces were in front of each other._

_"Rukia," the sleeping boy whispered._

Ichigo blushed and then began to chase Urahara around his shop.

"GIVE ME THE REMOTE! TURN THIS SHIT OFF AND DELETE IT!"

"No, Never! You at least have to see the next scene-"

He was cut off when Ichigo tripped him.

The disguised boy grabbed the remote and ejected the disk. He then went bankai and destroyed it.

Yorichi scoffed, "Going to the extreme, don't you think?"

Ichigo pulled her tail, making it have painful looking kinks.

"AH, YOU PULLED MY TAIL!" she yelled

Urahara sat up from where he was on the ground, "YOU BASTARDS!" And he fell back down.

"We're here to get our gigais," said Rukia, being the only mature one in the whole room.

She went to the backof the shop and came out in her gigai in her arms and dragged Ichigo's disguised one.

He touched the lifeless boy and slipped into his gigai. The tall shinigami then began to harass the humble shopkeeper again.

"Let's go," said Rukia, while exiting the shop. She looked back, over her shoulder, to see that Ichigo had not moved and continued to beat the blonde haired man. The short shinigami sighed and walked over to fourth seat and pulled him out of the shop by the ear.

It was quiet until Yoruichi spoke up, "Too bad, that was a good home video."

"Don't worry Yoruichi-san, I made copies!" yelled Urahara.

* * *

Ichigo was venting off his anger as they killed hollows. They had detected the hollows a few minutes ago, and discarded their gigais in a nearby bush.

"Stupid Geta-boshi!" he yelled as he hacked a hollow's arm off.

"Stupid pussy...cat!"

As he was distracted from his anger, the hollow's foot slammed into his chest.

The disguised boy went flying, and stopped when he crashed into a tree.

"Ichigo, pay attention!" yelled Rukia, as she dodged an attack that the hollow sent her.

She finished him off when she jumped into the air and sliced its mask, half way down its body. They halves broke apart and its black blood splattered all over the ground. Then the hollow and it's remainders dissolved into nothing.

Ichigo got up, walked over to her, and said, "Sorry, I'm just so pissed."

"Well stop being so pissy, and pay attention to what you're doing!" she yelled.

"A lover's spat, I see," said a familiar voice.

They turned around to see Ishida in his white Quincy uniform. He pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose, reflecting the street lights off his lenses.

"Ishida?" asked Ichigo.

"No, the ice-cream man!" he said sarcastically.

"What are you doing here?" asked Rukia.

"I'm here to defeat hollows, it is my duty, as the last Quincy to-," he was cut off by Ichigo.

"Yeah, Yeah, the pride of the Quincy crap. We get it. You don't have to go into a long ass speech every time we fight a hollow."

"Ichigo, I see you're well," Ishida sneered.

"How do you recognize me? I'm in disguise!"

Ishida smirked, "Only an idiot would fall for that disguise. Though, I probably wouldn't be able to recognize you if you were wearing my cape that you stole, so where is it?

"Capes are lame dude, that wouldn't disguise me!"

"NO! Capes are badass! Now tell me where you put it. That was my favorite cape!" he said, losing his patience.

"Well...umm...I kind of lost it to the Janitor in the Senkaimon, sorry." Ichigo said.

A vain appeared on Ishida's forehead, "You're making me a new one!"

"NO WAY! First of all, I don't even know how to sew, and second, I have a job to do!"

"I'll take your place for the night with Kuchiki-san. Here-" he said while throwing white fabric and a traveling sewing kit over to Ichigo.

Ichigo purposely didn't catch it, and let it fall to the ground.

Ishida narrowed his eyes, "I could tell the Captain-Commander that you are-"

"FINE!" yelled Ichigo, who picked up the discarded materials. He walked over to the sidelines and sat on the bench.

"You're Amazing Ishida!" yelled Rukia, who was impressed at his ability to make Ichigo do stuff.

"Thank you Kuchiki-san," he said politely.

They continued to kill hollows that night as Ichigo grumbled at the cape he had to sew. While he was there, pricking his fingers with a needle, his friends got to protect, something he should be doing, not making some stupid cape.

"Done!" he said as he finished the last stitch.

He walked over to Ishida, who had just shot a hollow with one of his blue arrows.

"Here!" he said and tossed it at his face.

Ishida held it up in his hands. To be honest, it looked like shit.

It was sewn in the wrong place, the neck hole was two small, and didn't open. The white material was also covered in red blood stains from where Ichigo had pricked his fingers.

"Your work is as sloppy as usual, Kurosaki," he said and turned to leave.

"Goodnight, Kuchiki-san," the quincy said, before walking back home.

"Goodbye Ishida-kun," said Rukia as she waved goodbye.

"Prick," grumbled Ichigo.

* * *

The next few days, Rukia and Ichigo defeated the occasional hollows that showed up in Karakura Town.

As Ichigo finished off his last hollow, he heard someone speak.

"Good job killing that hollow, although, I think I could have done it better."

He turned around to the person who had said the conceited comment.

The man was 5' 6', had black hair that was styled like Justin Bieber's, and baby blue eyes. He was also wearing a shinigami's uniform.

"Right, sure," said Ichigo, while resting his _zanpakutō_ on his back.

"Who are you?" Ichigo asked.

"I am the new replacement for Karakura Town, my name is Shoe Laceshere!" he said proudly.

Ichigo then began to crack up.

'_**Haha! His name is almost as hilarious as yours,' **_said his hollow who was also laughing.

Shoe scowled, "What is so funny?"

"Last time I checked, shoes go on feet," the disguised boy said, who was still giggling.

"Shut up!"

"Do you light up like Sketcher's when you're angry?" asked Ichigo, who currently is enjoying taunting him like that.

"Ichigo, what is so funny?" asked Rukia who had returned from killing a hollow in the park.

The black haired boy began to check her out. His eyes roam her body from top to bottom.

"If I'm a shoe, then she can wear me anytime," he said to the laughing man.

Ichigo instantly stopped laughing and both he and Rukia glared at shinigami in front of them.

"Watch your tongue, boy." said a very pissed off shorty.

"What can't handle the Shoe master?" asked the smug boy.

The air became thick with Rukia's reistsu. It was powerful enough that Ichigo was forced to his knees. _'Her power increased after two years.'_

"Sode no s-,"

"I suggest you run," said Ichigo.

The boy was about to, but ended up being encased in ice.

"Rukia! He was the replacement shinigami!" yelled Ichigo.

"I didn't kill him. I only used a small portion of my strength to freeze him there for 10 minutes. The ice will melt by then."

She started to open the Senkaimon, and the gate opened up revealing shining bright, white lights.

'_She was powerful enough to make me fall over from its weight, and it wasn't even at her strongest point," _Ichigo thought in amazement. Her power has really grown.

'_**I don't know about you Kingy, but I'm kind of turned on,' **_said Hichigo.

'_Shut up Hichigo!' _he yelled at his hollow.

_**"NEVER! I speak the truth and only the truth!"**_

Ichigo contined to mentally argue with his hollow as he entered the Senkaimon with Rukia.

* * *

The two stepped out of the gateway and into Seireitei. Ichigo looked up at the sky to see the sun setting. The disguised boy yawned. He had been tired from killing more than a dozen hollows, so he figured he should take a nap.

"Later," said Ichigo.

"Where do you think you're going?" asked Rukia.

"To bed," he simply stated.

'_**Tell her that she can gladly join you in bed,' **_said his hollow.

'_Eww no, she has cooties!'_

'_**You sure didn't think that last night'**_

'_Shut u-,'_

His thoughts were interrupted when a certain short shinigami said, "Squad training."

"Excuse me, what did you say?" questioned Ichigo.

The raven haired shinigami came closer to him and stood on her toes. Then, using her hand, she knocked on his head saying, "Is there anyone in there? Honestly don't you ever listen?"

'_**Queeny is asking for me! Tell her I said hi,' **_said Hichigo.

'_Why the hell would she be asking for you?'_

'_**Because I'm powerful, sexy, and g-,'**_

'_Gay?'_

He ignored his hollows curses and said, "Fine I'll go to squad training, but I don't see the point in going; I'm already powerful enough."

"Are you kidding? Your kidou sucks," replied Rukia.

"Sucks what?"

"Elephant butt."

"How can you suck a butt?" question Ichigo.

'_**Well you see, you find someone, shove their pants down just a little bit, then you take your mouth and-,' **_

'_It sounds like you got experience.'_

Again the disguised boy ignored the insults thrown at him by his hollow and walked behind Rukia as she led the way to the training courtyard in the thirteenth division barracks. However, when they exited the Senkaimon, Ichigo failed to notice that they were on the outskirts of Seireitei; meaning that it was pretty far away from here.

The two shinigami walked in silence for quite some time now. He was bored out of his mind and couldn't think anything to start up a conversation with the girl walking beside him. Ichigo looked at her, taking the time to observe the way she changed after two years. _'Even after two years she still looks beautiful… Wait! Beautiful! What the hell is wrong with me! What possessed me to think that?'_

"Why are you staring at me?" asked Rukia.

"You have something on your face," replied Ichigo.

"What's on my face?"

"A bunch of ugly."

The comment earned him a kick in the shin.

"Idiot, don't you know how to respect you elders," grumbled the raven haired shinigami.

"Elder? From what I'm seeing, you can pass as a seven year old."

Again, he had earned a kick to the shin, and in addition, a punch to his arm.

After that the silence took over them again as they continued to walk to their destination. The silence was comfortable, but a certain disguised boy was feeling bored already.

"Hey Rukia, I'm bored," said Ichigo.

"I don't give a shit," Rukia simply replied.

"That's a bad word!"

The violet eyed girl rolled her eyes and said, "Oh sorry my bad. I meant to say that I don't give a poop."

"Haha, you said poop!"

"Why are you so immature?" asked Rukia.

"I'm bored!" yelled Ichigo, ignoring her question.

"Well what do you want me to do about it!" shouted the raven haired shinigami.

"Let's sing a song!" suggested the disguised boy.

"A song?"

'_Is he an idiot? Or did two years without his powers turn him into a brainless dimwit?' _thought Rukia.

"The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and rou-," his "wonderful" singing was cut off by loud yelling.

"We're not on a bus dumb ass!" yelled Rukia.

"Fine then, I'll sing a different song. "Byakuya at home goes thrust and thrust, thrust and thrust, thrust. Byakuya at home goes thrust and thrust all around Renji!" sung Ichigo.

"Idiot my brother does not-," she got cut off his continuous singing.

"Yamamoto in the boys bathroom goes (These sounds are censored because they are inappropriate for you readers out there), all night long!" he sung.

Rukia couldn't help but flush in embarrassment. They were already in the main streets of Seireitei which was heavily populated, and the buffoon was making a fool out of himself while she was walking right next to them. She began to notice many people giving them looks while others cup their mouths in their hands as they try not to laugh right in front of their faces.

After a few minutes, she has had enough.

"You idiot, can't you see your embarrassing us!" she yelled as she repeatedly kicked him in the head.

"I couldn't help it, I was bored," replied Ichigo.

"So you were bored, and you decided to sing a ridiculous song!"

"Yup!" answered Ichigo.

The raven haired girl, yet again, began to kick him senselessly.

"Ow! You know, if I turn stupid because of all your kicking, I'm blaming you," said the disguised boy.

"Too late for that now," replied Rukia.

"You midget, I am not stupid; I'm smart in my own way!"

The two were arguing so much that they did not even notice that they entered the 13th division barracks. They did not even notice their white haired captain trying to greet them either. _'Akio arguing with her reminds me so much of her and Kurosaki-kun. I wonder if… nah that's impossible,' _thought Ukitake.

The arguing pair finally made their way to the training courtyard to see the entire squad greeting them.

"That's it, you have extra kidou training with me tomorrow!" yelled Rukia.

"But I-,"

"No excuses," said Rukia.

"But-," again he was cut off by the older shinigami.

"Be quiet."

"But-,"

"This discussion is over," said Rukia.

"But-,"

"Haha, he said butt," snickered a squad member who was watching the two argue.

The long training session was finally over, and the disguised boy sighed in relief. He looked around to see his fuka-taichou leaving the courtyard.

"Oi midget! Where are you going?" asked Ichigo.

"Home," said Rukia.

"It's getting dark; a small midget like you might get scared walking home by herself this late. I'll walk you there."

A tic mark started to form on the short shinigami's forehead as she said, "Call me midget one more time and your kidou session will be extended."

"Midget," he said as they began to walk.

She slapped him across the face and said, "Tomorrow you training will be from sunrise to sunset; don't be late."

'_At least I get to spend more time with her,'_ thought Ichigo.

The two then continued to walk in a comfortable silence, until the disguised boy spoke up.

"I'm bored."

"Please don't start singing again," begged Rukia.

"Why not? You have to admit, it was very catchy and my singing was amazing."

"Rukia rolled her eyes but did not respond seeing that they were walking close to the guards of the Kuchiki Manor.

The two guards looked at the disguised boy briefly and wondered why he was here again. Then, his gaze fell towards Rukia, and he immediately let both of them through. Rukia nodded, silently thanking the guard and she began to walk inside the gates with Ichigo in tow.

"Why are you here again?" asked a cold voice.

Ichigo turned around to see none other than an annoying stick-up his ass.

"I came to politely walk Kuchiki Fuka-Taichou home like a gentlemen of course," said the disguised boy, trying his best to be polite.

"You wouldn't know how to be a gentleman if it hit you in the head," replied Byakuya.

"Hey Byakuya, I wrote you a song. Want to hear it?" asked Ichigo who was currently glaring at the captain.

Just as he was about to open his mouth and sing, Rukia stomped on his foot and whispered, "Leave before he gets angry at you and finds out about your disguise."

Ichigo mumbled curses and insults under his breath as he began to walk out of their property. The two Kuchiki siblings continued to stare at his retreating form until Rukia spoke up.

"It's getting dark; Goodnight nii-sama."

The raven haired shinigami walked into the mansion with the intentions of getting a good night's sleep. Byakuya however, did not regard her and continued to stare at the path Akio walked out of.

'_That boy… He reminds me of that disrespectful boy Kurosaki. I never gave him the permission to call me by my first name,' _thought Byakuya.

The captain then began to walk out of the mansion and embark a journey to the 12th Division barracks. When he got there, he made his way to the door of a mad scientist's room. The raven haired captain knocked on the door politely and waited for a response.

"Enter," said a muffled voice.

The cold captain slid the door opened ad entered the room to see Captain Kurotsuchi busy with his latest experiment.

"Captain Kurotsuchi, may I ask to see the recent graphs of reistsu bursts in Karakura Town?"

"Sure, whatever," said the twelfth captain, too busy to even care about him.

Byakuya walked over to a large computer screen to see the graph of recent reistsu bursts throughout the city, and what he saw surprised him. Just a few weeks ago, a huge amount of reistsu was released in Karakura Town. _'It has to be the boy,' _thought Byakuya.

* * *

**AgentN: Read, Review, Enjoy**

**AgentK: Yet another boring ending**

**AgentN: Whatever. We do not own bleach, or justin bieber, but that hairstyle really did fit Shoe Laceshere.**

**AgentK: Yeah it did, and I don't**** like bieber, I am in love with Green Day!**

**AgentN: You and that obsession with that band**

**AgentK: So, how do I end this?**

**AgentN: How about Bye?**

**AgentK: ByeBye! (Gin's Quote)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: ****Important Announcement Please Read!- ** This story will be on hold until about July 15th because I am going on vacation and I will be away from my computer. Also, this story is being run by two people, so my partner, Agent K, will be writing a few stories in my absence. But don't worry, it's only for a month and this story will continue to be written as soon as I get back. And to clear any confusion, this story is not going to be discontinued just delayed. But other than that, thank you for all who reviewed because we're almost up to 50, which is great! Also, we apologize for any spelling/grammar mistakes we did not catch.

**Another Important Announcement! **My partner will be writing a few stories in my absence so there will be a poll on our profile page for you all to vote on which pairing she will write about.

**To splitheart1120: **If you are talking about Ichigo coming back from his mission a few weeks after, then we did mess up the time line, and we apologize for our mistake. Thank you for bringing that up.

And to our other readers, if you do not know where we messed up, it was where we mentioned Ichigo staying in Karakura Town for a few weeks and then we said he slept with Rukia last night. We messed up the time line, and if anyone is confused, Ichigo did return after a few weeks when the mission was over. We are sorry for our mistake.

**Disclaimer: We do not own Bleach.**

Chapter 9

Jealousy can be a Bitch

* * *

'_It has to be the boy,'_ thought Byakuya.

The large amount of reistsu released that day could have been the boy, or it could've have been a large hollow. He needed to make sure it was the boy, and there was only one way to do it.

The captain of the sixth division walked out of the mad scientist's lab without a goodbye and walked to his mansion. There, the raven haired captain noticed he was alone and opened a private senkaimon that was given to each of the noble families.

Byakuya walked through the gateway until a bright, white light surrounded him as he exited it. He looked around to see that he that he was on a roof of a building, and he quickly jumped down and began to walk towards his destination.

The cold captain looked up to see a sign that says "_Urahara Shōten_" and entered the shop to see the pair of exiled shinigamis smirking right at him.

"Bya-boy! What brings you here?" asked Urahara.

"He's probably here to play another game of tag with me," exclaimed Yoruichi.

Byakuya sighed and said, "I'm sure you both know why I'm here."

"Nope!" they said in unison.

If he wasn't a Kuchiki, he certainly would be rolling his eyes at the two standing in front of him.

"I am here to check up on the Kurosaki boy. You see, there was a huge amount of reistsu released a few weeks ago, and I am sure you two probably know something," explained the raven haired captain.

"It was certainly not him. He is still weak, powerless, and did I mention weak?" said Urahara, hiding a smile behind his fan.

Byakuya knew something was up and decided to press on the subject. "If he is so weak and powerless, do mind if I check up on him?"

"You can't Kuchiki-sama. Currently, he has caught a very contagious disease that souls can even catch. Basically what happens is that his reproductive organ, if he even has one of those, would change colors depending on his mood. Also, he starts to have romantic fantasies and dreams of men, and collects porn magazines," explained the humble shopkeeper.

"Ah yes, I remember when Kisuke had that once. When we were in bed his-,"

The were-cat was cut off when Byakuya coldly said, "Please refrain from giving me those kinds of images, please."

He sighed, while crossing his arms and sticking his nose into the air he said, "Whatever, I'm too noble for this."

Byakuya walked out of the store knowing that those two were hiding something. _'The boy's power's are probably back. But seeing that those two don't want anyone to know about it, I'll keep quiet about it now. After all, with this prankster on the loose in Seireitei, Soul Society has enough trouble as it is,' _thought the sixth division captain as he began to walk into the recently opened senkaimon.

* * *

The bright sun shined through the blinds and onto Rukia as she sat up on her bed.

'_Time to train the idiot,'_her musings were cut off as a hell butterfly came through the window, and played it's message in her mind.

'_Kuchiki Fuka-Taichou, please report to your captain's office.'_

The raven haired shinigami got up from the bed and changed into her shinigami uniform. She went to a mirror and tried to fix her hair, but the one, stubborn bang fell back to it's original spot on her forehead. She checked the mirror one last time before shunpo-ing to her captain's office.

The Fuka-Taichou stopped when she reached his door.

Already sensing her reistsu, Ukitake, called her in. The violet eyed girl walked in and bowed to her Taichou.

"Stand, Rukia"

She got up from her kneeling position and waited for her captain to speak.

"How did your trip to the World of Living go?" he asked.

The short shinigami smiled slightly and said, "It went well. The fourth seat and I killed many hollows while we were there. The backup shinigami, currently assigned in Karakura Town, has also killed a few."

Ukitake's eyes twinkled and replied, "Shoe Laceshere, I presume? That boy is a strange one."

The raven haired midget scoffed, "Tell me about it."

It was silent for a moment until Ukitake spoke up again.

"I need you to run an errand for me this week."

"Hai, what is it Taichou?" she asked curiously.

"I need you to assist Hitsugaya-Taicho with his paperwork for the week."

"Hai!" she shouted, and shunpo-ed out of the room. Rukia started to head to the 10th division barracks when she remembered her training with Ichigo. She turned around and headed to the training grounds.

She saw Ichigo sitting on a rock in his disguise. It looked like he was poking a frog with a stick...

* * *

'_**Make it dance king!' **_laughed his hollow as Ichigo poked the dead frog.

'_Okay,' _he replied.

As he was about to move the frog, he spotted a raven haired midget heading his way.

He dropped the stick and started to yell at her, "I have been waiting for 2 minutes! DID YOU HEAR THAT, 2 MINUTES! UGGH this is a waste of my time!"

She stared at him for a second and said, "Baka! Its two minutes, calm down!"

The violet eyed girl then walked over and sat down next to him.

"Ichigo, I-," she was cut off when Ichigo asked, "Do you want to hear my new song?"

Without bothering to listen to her response, he began to sing to the tune of Yankee Doodle.

"Byakuya Kuchiki went to town,

Riding on his Renji.

His ass got stuck when they hit a bump,

And they had to have surgery.

Byakuya had gotten stuck,

Byakuya enjoyed it

Renji felt the same way.

And they had fun all day!" (If you know what a mean)

Rukia couldn't hold her "Kuchiki mask", and began to crack up.

"So what were you saying, Rukia?" Ichigo asked with a warm smile.

Rukia stopped laughing and looked at him, "I can't train you today, or for the rest of the week."

"Why?" he asked in disappointment.

"My captain has ordered me to help Hitsugaya-Taichou with his paperwork this week."

"What, the little shrimp can't do his own paperwork? Doesn't he constantly claim that he is a 'big boy'?"

Rukia was steaming mad, '_Why does he have to insult us petite people? Does he find me unattractive because I'm short? Wait, why should I care what that moron thinks?' _

She regained her mask and decided to let out her anger by defending the tenth captain.

Her mouth twisted into a coy smile and said, "First of all, do not disrespect a captain. And second, I am sure he can at least spell his name right, unlike someone else I know."

She got up and began to walk to the 10th division barracks.

"It was a silent 'T'!" Ichigo yelled at the retreating girl.

* * *

"Great I already wasted a half an hour with that strawberry!" she growled as she approached Hitsugaya's door.

She knocked and heard a muffled "Come in".

Rukia walked in and bowed to the small captain sitting at a desk.

"Ah yes, Vice Captain Kuchiki, you are here. I need you to start that pile of paperwork over there," he said with a bored tone, while pointing at a stack of paper on a small table by a red couch.

"Hai, Hitsugaya-Taicho," she said politely and headed to the table. She sat down on the couch and started the stack that was as tall as her.

It had been two hours of silent work, and Hitsugaya would occasionally glance at the girl who was writing.

He admired how much work she had gotten done. The violet eyed girl had finished half the pile within two hours, which normally would have taken him three.

The white haired captain turned back to his work. _'Maybe I should get her to be my vice captain instead of-,"_

Just as he was about to finish the thought, he heard the door slam open and smash into the wall.

"TAICHOOOOUUUU!" squealed his busty lieutenant, who came running to squeeze him into a bear hug.

Her face was flushed and her breath smelled like strong sake. She continued to hug the struggling captain to her 'things'.

"MATSUMOTO!" he yelled pushing away from her arms.

When he was free, her dulled eyes looked between him and the raven haired girl who sat on the couch.

"EEEEEEEP!" she squealed as she did a happy dance.

"TAICHOU'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND!" she yelled as she went over to hug Rukia.

Both shinigami blushed and said, "WE ARE NOT TOGETHER!"

The busty woman pouted, "But Taichoouu, you two would be soooo cute together!"

Hitsugaya flushed an even deeper shade of red.

"Get out Matsumoto!" he yelped as he started to shove the drunk woman out of the room.

She continued to ramble her thoughts. "You both have ice zanpakutōs, and you're both short! It's a perfect match! And now that Ichigo is in the World of Living, you have your chance! Go getter' Taichou-"

Once he reached the door, he threw her out and locked it.

Unfortunately they caught the last thing she said, "Tie her down, and I'll take a video! Urahara pays big money for home videos!"

Rukia blushed and looked down at her paperwork.

Hitsugaya, who was also flushed, walked back to his desk and continued to work.

* * *

The next day, Matsumoto woke up with a huge hangover.

"Whoa, I drank a lot last night," she said as she started to recall some memories of the night before.

"All I remember is something about Taichou and Rukia being boyfriend and girlfriend. I'll go ask him!"

She shunpo-ed over to Hitsugaya's office and walked into the room. She didn't see her Taichou, but only a very red Rukia looking at her.

The busty woman smiled, "So, you're going out with my Taichou?"

Rukia's cheeks got even redder when she said that. She started to stutter, "I-I… am not going out with Hitsugaya-Taichou, I'm just helping out with his paperwork for the week."

"Riggghht, sure," said Matsumoto, while walking over to Hitsugaya's desk.

"So where is he right now?" she asked while eying the tea in a teacup on the desk.

Rukia, who wasn't looking at Matsumoto replied, "He is at a captain's meeting, and will be back in a few minutes."

"Excellent," Matsumoto mumbled while pulling her emergency sake out of her shirt.

"What was that?" the raven haired girl asked turning around to the busty woman.

"Nothing!" she replied cheerfully, while hiding the sake behind her back.

"Oh, okay then. I have to pick up some more paperwork. I'll be right back," said Rukia as she walked out of the room.

Matsumoto turned to the teacup, _"Taichou gets tipsy very easily, maybe if I get him drunk, he'll get together with Rukia-chan!"_she thought as she poured some sake into the tea.

Just as she put the bottle away, she heard her captain.

"Matsumoto, what are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing Taichou, I just wanted to sing you a song!" she yelled cheerfully and began to sing along to the tune of the ABC'S.

" G, Rukia and Taichou kissing in a tree. He gave her STD's, now she's crying in that tree. G, next time don't fuck in a tree!"

Her captain's face went red with anger and shouted, "MATSUMOTO!"

"Oh shit, gotta go!" she yelled as she shunpo-ed as fast and as far away as she could.

The still fuming captain sat back down at his desk. He was so pissed he couldn't concentrate on his work, so he downed his tea in one gulp.

The world started to feel tipsy, and he got up from his desk and tried to walk.

He stumbled around for a few minutes and came to a conclusion, "That witch with a B (Hitsugaya is too 'cool' to curse) spiked my tea!"

He began to stagger to the door, so he could chase after his soon-to-be-dead-lieutenant. When he reached for the knob, Rukia came into view.

The violet eyed girl looked at the flushed and staggering captain. "Taichou, are you okay?" she asked.

He grabbed her shoulders and yelled, "No! My lieutenant spiked my tea!"

He then passed out from the alcohol and Rukia caught him with open arms before he could hit the ground.

* * *

Ichigo was making his way to the captain of the tenth division's office so he could visit Rukia.

He stopped when he saw the two hugging in the doorway.

"_**KING, HE'S STEALING QUEENY! KILL HIM!"**_yelled his furious hollow.

Ichigo wasn't listening because he was too busy having his heart broken.

'_Why does it hurt, seeing her with him like this? I... guess everyone was right... I do like Rukia.'_

'_**Of course everyone was right! You have to be retarded if you didn't see it. And it's not like, its love! You don't know how lucky you are! If I weren't confined in this retarded mind of yours I would have already sle-"**_

'_Way to ruin the moment, asshole,' _thought Ichigo as he looked at Rukia holding Hitsugaya.

'_And besides, it looks like she wants to be with someone else.'_

'_**Go get her back, King! I can't stand those two together!' **_

'_No, I won't come between her and Hitsugaya. She is my best friend, and I don't want to risk losing her.'_

'_**FINE! BUT I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU ANYMORE!' **_yelled the pissy hollow.

'_That's not going to work because I want you to shut up.'_but his thoughts didn't get a response. _'Wow, he's actually serious for once.'_

Ichigo walked to his room and slumped on the bed in a depressive heap. He looked to the side and spotted a sheet of paper sticking out from under the mattress.

'_That's right, I came here for this note,' _he thought, while pulling out the revenge list.

"I might as well try something different" he said while writing down his newest ideas.

* * *

It was the next day, and Ichigo was very tired. He had spent half the night up, making flyers.

After he finished his paperwork, he posted them all over Seireitei.

"Beautiful," he said after he hung up the last one.

It said:

'**Do you like long, romantic strolls in the garden?**

**Are you looking for a hot, sexy, hot man?**

**Do you like to get down and dirty?**

**If so, visit the Kuchiki Mansion, where Byakuya Kuchiki himself** **will choose one of you lucky lovers for a romantic evening at his house!'**

The next hour, the disguised boy found himself hiding in one of Byakuya's bushes at the Kuchiki Manor.

The garden was overflowing with giggling fan-girls, men, old grandmas, and is that a baby?

"I love you, Marry Me!" yelled a familiar voice.

Ichigo looked over to find Yumichika in a bikini... again.

'_**HAHA KING, that's priceless!' **_ cackled his hollow.

'_So you're talking to me now?'_

'_**Humph, I knew you missed me, didn't want you to start crying or something.'**_

Byakuya strolled past Ichigo's hiding spot, and the disguised boy ducked further into the bushes.

He watched as the noble man took in the scene before him.

The captain's eyes widened a bit and asked, "What are you doing on the Kuchiki grounds?"

A giggling fan-girl squealed, "It was on the flyer you posted!"

The man sad nothing, so the girl held up a poster.

Byakuya looked at the poster and pulled out his sword, "Scatter Senbonzakura,"

The whole garden overflowed with pink, razor sharp petals.

Ichigo, who was in the garden, ended up getting multiple cuts as well.

"Oh come on!" he yelled in all the commotion and left before he could acquire anymore injuries.

* * *

'_Okay, time for the next prank,' _he thought.

The disguised boy was currently in the bathroom attached to his room, facing the mirror. He muttered the disguise kidou spell and large amounts of pink smoke filled the bathroom.

Once the smoke had cleared off, Ichigo looked into the mirror to see dark purple hair tied into a pony tail, and he had slightly darker skin. He also noticed that he was wearing a orange shirt and black, tight pants.

'_Yes! This is exactly what I was aiming for, an exact copy of Yoruichi,' _thought Ichigo.

'_**At least this disguise turned out to be alright,' **_said Hichigo.

The disguised boy ignored him and rushed off to the 2nd division barracks. He ran through the hallways and came to a stop in front of the captain's office.

Ichigo smirked. _'I never really found out if she was a lesbian.'_

He knocked on the door to hear an "Enter."

He walked in with a grin written across his face as the captain of the 2nd Division, Suì-Fēng, came into his view.

"Ah Suì-Fēng, you're getting more beautiful everyday now," said Ichigo.

The black haired captain looked up from her paperwork to see her former captain.

"Yo- Yoruichi-sama," stuttered Suì-Fēng.

The disguised boy reached out to her and cupped her chin in his hand. He brought his face closer to hers and saw her cheeks turn red.

Ichigo couldn't help but smirk at her reaction.

'_**Come on Kingy, keep seducing her! The more in your harem the merrier it gets!'**_ said his hollow.

He ignored his hollow and looked down, pretending to be interested in her.

"Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track," exclaimed Ichigo.

The comment made her blush even more.

"Yor-Yoruichi, ple-please unhand m-me," stuttered Suì-Fēng.

"I can't right now. I just moved you to the top of my 'to-do' list," replied the disguised shinigami.

It took an immense amount of strength for the captain to push the exiled shinigami away from her.

"Please do not say anything like that, now what did you come here for?" asked the captain as she tried to regain her composure.

"You," Ichigo simply replied.

"Please do not say such things."

"Fine, I'll just stick with the pickup lines. And by the way, if you were a booger, I'd pick you first," said Ichigo.

"Yoruichi pleas-,"

Before she could finish her sentence, she got cut off by another attempt to flirt with her.

"You know, you're so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line."

Right now the captain was more than furious. _'This can't be her. She would never act this way,'_ thought Suì-Fēng.

"You are not Yoruichi! Who are you and what do you think you are doing!" shouted the black haired girl.

"My name is Yoruichi and I'm flirting with you," responded Ichigo.

"Then you're doing a pretty bad job at it."

"Then how come I made you blush before?" questioned the disguised boy.

"Enough with this foolishness, who the hell are you!"

"Ah man, so pickup lines don't work. I know, how about a song!" suggested the disguised boy.

Before he could start singing, sharp knives began to fly towards his face. The disguised boy dodged a few but had earned several cuts from others.

Without a goodbye, he rushed out the door and ran out the barracks.

'_Damn, I had a song ready and everything,' _thought Ichigo as he pouted.

'_**Yeah, but at least with the reaction we saw earlier, we know who she has a crush on,' **_said his hollow.

'_Really? Who? Is it Ukitake?' _

'_**No, you really are an idiot! You fool, it's Yoruichi. Why else did you make her blush? Man, Queeny was right when she said you were stupid.'**_

The sudden thought of Rukia stabbed him in the heart as he recalled what happened between the two midgets earlier.

He sighed as he walked into his room and took the disguise off. Ichigo then laid on his bed and stared up at the ceiling. After a few minutes, he had gotten bored and decided to look around his room.

The orange haired boy noticed a yellow note taped to his desk. He got off the bed and walked towards the brown, wooden table. It was written in Rukia's handwriting with little drawing of Chappy's on the side.

The note said:

_To Ichigo,_

_While I'm gone can you do my paperwork? Thanks._

_From,_

_Rukia._

The tall shinigami looked to the side of his desk to notice a large stack of paperwork there. He crumbled the note and threw it at the wall in anger. _'Why the hell does she expect me to do her paperwork while she is having fun with that other midget!'_

'_**Well someone is jealous,'**_ said Ichigo.

'_Shut up, I didn't ask for your opinion.'_

'_**Oh, what happened to the "I don't want to get in between the two"?' **_questioned his hollow.

Ichigo ignored him and mumbled a few curses under his breath as he began to lie down on his bed again and fell asleep.

* * *

**AgentK: Are you going to miss me while you're away?**

**AgentN: No. **

**AgentK: Thanks, I really appreciate it. Any ways, I hope you viewers liked this chapter, I really liked writing the Hitsugaya part. Oh the wonders of crack! But this story is still an IchiRiki (It's my passion!)**

**AgentN: That reminds me, while I'm away, you're writing a new story, right?**

**AgentK: YUP! Please Reviewers, visit our profile. I have set up a poll on what I will write about while my friend is away. The most popular choice by June 22nd will be the one I write about.**

**AgentN: Also we would like to say we do not own Wheels on the Bus, Yankee Doodle, or the ABC's**

**AgentK: Though, it's a hella' fun re-writing them!**

******AgentK: Also, Reviewers who have not read the author's note, please do so.**

**AgentN: Read, Review, Enjoy**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: **Thank you to those who reviewed, favorite, and followed this story. We now have 55 reviews and just 45 more to get to 100. It's been a month long wait and we're back to writing this story. Also, in the** last chapter,** Matsumoto's song was kind of uploaded wrong because Fan Fiction screwed it up when we uploaded it. She was supposed to sing the alphabet from A-G not just starting with G. We apologize for any spelling/grammar mistakes we did not catch. Anyways, thank you so much and we hope you enjoy the chapter.

**Disclaimer: **We do not own Bleach

Chapter 10

A Dinner for Three

* * *

It had been a brutal week for Rukia. The longer she spent helping Hitsugaya-Taichou with his paperwork, the worse Matsumoto's antics got.

The busty woman was constantly at their throats, pestering them about their relationship.

"Goooood Morning Taichou, and Taichou's girlfriend!" giggled Matsumoto as she entered the office. Both short shinigamis had grown used to the welcome, and ignored it all together.

"Taichou," Matsumoto began.

Hitsugaya sighed, "What is it now, Matsumoto?" he muttered out between his clenched teeth.

"Well," she began to stutter out slowly, "I think I accidentally lost your sex tape!" she finally cried out.

Hitsugaya's eyes widened in shock. '_Sex tape?' _The boy was too bewildered by the accusation, and could only stutter out a horrified, "W-what?"

The busty lieutenant continued to sob, "I was drunk, I'm sorry! But I had a drink with the guys, and... well, AHH I'M SORRY," she cried out as fake tears rolled down her cheeks.

The white haired captain, who had finally regained his composure, asked, "What sex tape? I never had sex, let alone filmed it. That is disgusting."

Matsumoto looked up and asked, "So you're admitting you're a virgin?"

The white haired captain had a tick on his forehead, and his right eye began to twitch.

Matsumoto then turned around and focused her attention on the raven haired shinigami.

"You hear that Rukia-chan? He hasn't slept with anyone because he has been waiting for you all along!" she cheered out with uttermost glee.

Rukia's face paled. She turned her head away to her paperwork, ignoring the bubbly lieutenant.

Tōshirō, whose eye was still twitching, started to speak, "Get out Matsumoto, now."

"But Taichou, the tape!"

"You now know that I'm a virgin, so it could not have been me. Get out."

He was starting to lose his patience with the woman. One more wrong move and he would snap.

"Okay Taichou," she sighed as she faked a pout and exited the office.

The boy rubbed his temples as she shut the door.

Outside the office, Matsumoto snickered.

'_Wait till he finds the tape I made of him,' _she thought evilly.

_*Meanwhile with Matsumoto's drinking buddies: Hisagi and Kira*_

"So this tape Rangiku gave us," began Kira, "Is of Rukia and Hitsugaya-Taichou?"

"Yeah, I watched it. Its pretty good," replied Hisagi.

"N-NANI?" squealed Kira.

"Here, watch it."

With that, he took the tape and put it in the VCR. On the screen appeared two people, you know "doing stuff". But the face of Rukia and Hitsugaya were Photo Shopped onto two unknown people.

Kira tilted his head and said, "I don't think this is real. I mean, since when has Hitsugaya-taichou been so tall. I also didn't know Rukia-san was black..."

"Are you kidding me!" yelled Hisagi, "This is as real, as real gets!"

Kira sweat dropped at his friend's stupidity and replied, "Yeah, sure. But don't tell anyone about this. You don't want any rumors going around."

Hisagi nodded his head and said, "Oh, of course not."

Later that day, Hisagi was delivering some piles of paperwork to Hitsugaya. He knocked on the door and walked in. The black haired vice captain noticed Rukia and Hitsugaya at their desks, and he grinned. He walked over to Hitsugaya and plopped the paperwork on his desk. He looked the boy in the eye and winked.

"Didn't know you had it in you, Hitsugaya-Taichou," he whispered not so quietly and then walked out.

Hitsugaya's eyes narrowed in confusion. _'What the hell?'_

* * *

When Rukia finished her task with helping the short captain, she decided to pay a visit to Ichigo, and began to walk over to his room/office.

The week was finally over, and she was very relieved.

'_Now I get to see the strawberry bastard, who never once visited me,' _Rukia angrily thought.

She was pissed off at the fact that he didn't visit her once the whole week she worked in Hitsugaya's office. He better have at least done her paperwork, or she was branding him, like the humans did with cows in the mortal world. She had learned about branding when their school went on a trip to the zoo.

'_Hmm, maybe the shape of a strawberry would be nice on his ass...'_

Shaking her head in laughter, she realized she was at his door. The raven haired shinigami banged her fist on the door and called out, "Oi strawberry, open the damn door."

She waited a minute, but there was no answer. Then, she tried opening it, but it was locked. She hit the door even harder and shouter, "Open the door before I kidou it off it's hinges!"

Still no answer…

"All right then, you asked for it," she said.

Ichigo sat at his desk doing his paperwork. He could hear Rukia at the door, but he didn't want to talk to her. He was still upset seeing her hug the other midget.

'_**Oi, let her in, I'm bored.'**_

'_No.'_

'_**Oh come on, it's so boring in your head. Zangetsu doesn't talk, it's raining, and I lost my puppy. You know, I wanted to play a game? I was going to play connect the dots with your brain cells, but there aren't even enough to make a square!'**_

Ichigo was about to retort when he heard the midget saying, "All right, you asked for it,"

The next thing he knew, his door was flying at him at an incredibly fast speed.

"Gah!" yelped Ichigo as he tried to dodge it. However, the door ended up flattening him against the floor.

He pushed the door off him and saw Rukia standing in the doorway with her arms crossed.

The disguised boy then felt liquid dripping down his nose. He brought his hand up to his face and felt the warm blood on his fingers.

"Well someone is excited to see me," Rukia said with a smirk as she noticed the blood flowing down from his nose.

His eyes narrowed at her comment. Now grasping his nose with the palm of his hand he yelled, "Or maybe it's the fact that you threw a fucking door at me!"

She gave him a cold glare in return and said, "It's your own fault I resorted to this, you were ignoring me when I knocked."

"That doesn't give you the right to hit me with a door!"

"Don't be such a pansy, you've been through worse," she scoffed as she began to walk into the room.

"Get out Midget, I have paperwork to do," the disguised boy said as he managed to stop the bleeding, and proceeded to walk over to his desk.

"What's your problem?" '_Why was he being such a bitch? I didn't do anything wrong.'_

"Nothing, get out."

"No, I don't think I will."

"Oh you will,"

"No I won't, and nothing with make me leave until you tell me what's wrong," she said as she crossed her arms.

"Why don't you go back to the other midget? I'm sure he would love to have your company!" he angrily spat as he turned to face his paperwork.

He felt a hard blow to his head, and he grasped it in pain.

"Ah, what the hell!" shouted Ichigo.

"Baka, don't call us midgets!"

"There you go defending his ass again!" he yelled, getting up from his chair to face her.

"So what if I am! Why does it matter!" she said as she defiantly looked up at him.

"It doesn't matter!" he yelled while throwing his arms up in the air.

"Then why are you yelling at me!"

They both stopped at looked at each other, and Rukia began to think. _'He's been acting like this ever since I had to work with Hitsugaya-Taichou… Wait, Hitsugaya-Taichou...'_

Ichigo watched as a grin began to tug at her lips.

"What is it? he asked.

Rukia, who was full out smiling now said, "You're jealous of Hitsugaya-Taichou."

"W-WHAT! I'm not jealous of that midget!" yelled Ichigo.

Rukia was enjoying the new shade of pink splashed onto his cheeks. _'It's...cute.' _Realizing that she had just thought the moron was cute, she snapped out of her thoughts. There was proof that he was jealous, she should be teasing him!

The raven haired girl then clasped her hands behind her back, and with the best of her acting skills, started to speak in the sugary, sweet voice she knew he oh-so-loved.

"Oh Kurosaki-kun, I did not know you felt that way about me," she said while covering her mouth with her hand and turning away.

"I don't!"

She ignored him and continued to tease him, "I know it's hard to resist my beautiful femininity, but please Kurosaki-kun, don't take me right now, what would my Nii-sama think!"

"N-N-NANI! What the hell are you talking about?"

She dropped the sugary act and started to chant, "You like me, you like me, you like meee!" in a singsong voice.

"No I don't!"

"Then why were you jealous of Hitsugaya-Taichou?" she asked.

"I told you I was not jealous of Tōshirō!"

"Oh, so you're jealous of me?"

"What? Why would I be jealous of you?"

"Well, it's obvious that you're jealous, so if you're not jealous of Tōshirō, you're jealous of me. I always thought you were kind of gay, but for such a young kid? I didn't know you rolled that way."

"I'm not gay! Why would you think that?"

"Well, back in the real world, Orihime had a huge crush on you, and you didn't go out with her. I mean have you seen the size of her boobs? I wonder if she fills them with helium or something..."

"You think I'm gay and you're talking about Orihime's 'things'?" he gasped in disbelief.

"Don't be such a prude, Ichigo! They are not things, they are called boobs."

The boy covered his ears and yelled, "Lalala, not listening!"

Rukia was enjoying teasing the prude boy, "And if you think Orihime's BOOBS are big, you should see Matsumoto's BOOBS!"

"God will you SHUT UP!" he howled while still covering his ears.

"Are you scared, you little virgin!" she said taunting.

"I am not scared, and you're probably a virgin too!" he yelled while pointing a finger at her.

"I have lived 10 times your age, and you think I'm a virgin?" she asked quizzically as she raised her eyebrow.

"You're not a virgin?" he asked exasperated.

She smirked, she was a virgin, but taunting him was too much fun, "Why do you care, you're jealous of me, not Hitsugaya."

"For the last time, I'm not gay!"

"Well, I've never seen you take any interest in a girl before. Are you asexual?

"NO!"

She snickered, _'No wonder Matsumoto did this to me and Tōshirō, its hilarious,' _she thought.

"Okay, Ichigo, I know you're not gay."

He sighed in relief, "Good, because I'm not and never will be."

"Yeah, because you're already in love with me," she said. The short, raven haired shinigami was never going to let this go, ever.

But deep down, she really didn't believe that he loved her, and for some strange reason, she felt a pang of disappointment.

"I'm not in lo- just forget it," he said, finally giving up.

Rukia smiled and asked, "So, did you do my paperwork?"

* * *

The noble, raven haired captain sighed as he stood on the porch of the Kuchiki Manor which was overlooking his zen garden. It was his favorite place to be whenever he wanted to be alone, to think about something, or to take a breather from being around the red headed monkey of a vice captain.

And speaking of monkeys, his thoughts couldn't help but travel to a certain fourth seat of the thirteenth division.

'_I wonder why the assumption of Akio Tachibana being the Kurosaki boy keeps coming across my mind,' _thought Byakuya.

The two are both rude, disrespectful, brash, idiotic, annoying, a pain in the gluteus maximus, stupid, naive, strange, dimwitted, irritable, a peeve, and well the list goes on….

But if he really was Kurosaki, then it was amazing how he snuck his way into Soul Society without having any of the members of the Gotei 13 realize that the Winter War hero was right under their noses.

The taichou of the sixth division then had a plan.

'_We'll see who you really are Tachibana,' _thought the cold captain.

* * *

"Well, I did most of your paperwork..." he said while trailing off.

"Let me see it," she said.

"No, it's not done yet," he protested while grabbing the paperwork and hiding it behind his back.

She reached behind is him, but he pulled it up over his head.

"Let me see it!" she yelled as she jumped up and down, trying to reach the papers. She almost had it, but his hand found its way on her face and began to push her back.

"No," he sternly replied.

"God damn it, give me the papers!" she yelled while stomping on his foot.

"Not going to work," he said calmly, but on the inside, he was screaming because that hurt, a lot.

Rukia tried to reach for it again, but he shoved it in his pants before she could get to it.

"That's disgusting Ichigo!" she shrieked as she stopped trying to get the papers.

'_**Trying to get lucky King?'**_

"Who's the prude one now?" he asked smugly.

She was about to retort, but a hell butterfly flew in and fluttered in front of them. It began to relay a message in their heads. It was from Byakuya!

_Rukia and Akio,_

_Please visit the Kuchiki mansion this evening for dinner. I expect you, Akio, to be on your best behavior. This is a noble family and I will not tolerate your usual barbaric attitude._

"That bastard," the disguised boy growled.

"Why would Nii-sama want you to come to dinner? He hates you!" she asked in confusion.

"Oh thanks for putting it lightly," he snarled at her.

"I did," she said while smirking.

"It's almost evening now!" she cried out, "We have to go, it will be rude if we're late."

"Tch, he's the one who sent us a late hell butterfly, so it would be his fault-ouch, don't kick me!" he yelled while grasping his throbbing shin.

"Let's go," said Rukia, while heading for the door.

"Fine," he said as he began to follow her. Right before he could exit she turned around, "Take the damn papers out of your pants!" she yelled.

He looked down, "Oh, right."

Ichigo took it out and held it out for her to take.

"I'm not touching that, it's been in your pants," she scoffed.

"Yeah my pants, not my underwear, just take it!"

"No."

And with that said, she started to walk away.

The two reached the Kuchiki Manor just enough time for dinner. They walked up to the front door, where the guards nodded at the Kuchiki princess and let them pass.

As they walked down the hallway, Rukia started to speak to the disguised boy.

"Don't be rude to Nii-sama, got it?"

He snorted in disdain, "I'll treat Byakuya how I think he should be treated."

The violet eyed girl turned around to face him, and he stopped walking. She opened her mouth to speak.

"Please," she asked. She wasn't begging, but nonetheless, she had said it.

He stared at her in astonishment. The almighty Rukia Kuchiki had said... the P word.

"Who are you and what the hell have you done with Rukia!" he yelped as he hid behind a plant.

"Baka, just be on your best behavior, I won't ask again," she said as she turned around and continued walking to the dining room.

* * *

The two shinigamis stopped at a grand set of brown, double doors, which two of the Kuchiki servants opened for them. Then, they both entered to see an expressionless Byakuya sitting by the table.

Both Rukia, and Ichigo (surprisingly), bowed in front of their superior.

"Rise and take a seat," commanded Byakuya.

Once they were all settled, the waiters brought them their food and drinks.

"Oi Byakuya, why the hell did you invite me here?" asked Ichigo with a mouth full of noodles.

Rukia shot a glare at the disguised boy from across the table.

'_Can't that idiot at least act a little mannerly,' _thought the violet eyed girl.

"I invited you over for dinner to ask you a few questions," replied the captain.

'_**Are we going to play 20 questions?' **_asked Hichigo, who was jumping up and down with excitement in his inner world.

'_What are you, a five year old?' _Ichigo mentally scoffed.

He ignored his hollows insults and directed his attention towards Byakuya saying, "Ask away."

"How old are you?" questioned the noble.

"154265983333562- 45772193+84-77777453635+1-154188160107702*2/6*100-21+4-3862, is my age," replied Ichigo.

Byakuya then began to use his fingers to try to figure out his age.

_An hour later..._

"So you're twenty-one."

"Took you long enough," mumbled the disguised boy.

"In what country of the World of Living were you born in, if you remember that is," asked Byakuya.

"Uraguay," he lied.

The head of the Kuchiki clan raised and brow and asked, "You're a gay?" (A/N: Ichigo pronounced the name wrong)

"Oh, so now the person whose always riding up his vice captain's ass has the right to call me gay," growled Ichigo.

'_**Well he does have a point about you being gay,' **_said his hollow.

'_Who the hell asked for opinion?'_

He looked over at Rukia to see her smirking at him, remembering the conversation they had earlier in the day.

Byakuya just ignored his insult and went right into the next question, "If your best friend got captured by two people, and she was brought back to her home which is just happened to be very far away by force, what would you do?"

'_**Hey doesn't that situation sound familiar to you?' **_asked Hichigo.

'_Really? Doesn't ring a bell to me.'_

"I'd go over there, kick all of their asses, and rescue her," he replied.

"What are your thoughts on my vice captain Renji Abarai?"

"He's a perverted, bisexual pineapple who uses the worst pick up lines," answered Ichigo.

'_**Like you use better pick up lines,' **_Hichigo sarcastically said.

'_I do.'_

'_**Tell me one then.'**_

'_If you were a booger I'd pick you second.'_

'_**Isn't the phrase supposed to be "If you were a booger I'd pick you first"?'**_

'_Who the hell would want to pick you first?'_

Ichigo mentally smirked when he heard his hollow mumble curses at him.

'_Judging by his behavior, manners, idiocy, and stupidity, he is definitely Ichigo Kurosaki,' _thought Byakuya.

The raven haired captain narrowed his eyes and said, "Final question, are you Ichigo Kurosaki?"

'_Oh, shit,' _thought Ichigo.

Ichigo's eyes found it's way over to Rukia and saw the worried expression on her face.

'_Why is that strawberry such an idiot? And how did Nii-sama figure out it was him?' _thought Rukia.

The short shinigami turned her attention over to Ichigo and noticed his eyes were on her. And by the looks of it, his eyes were pleading for help.

'_**Wait just a damn minute. If that was his final question, that means he only asked five questions. What the hell, he supposed to ask 20 questions, he broke the rules!' **_growled Hichigo.

'_Is that seriously what you're worried about now?' _thought Ichigo.

* * *

**AgentK: Hey peoples.**

**AgentN: Why can't I ever speak first?**

**AgentK: Maybe next time. Anyway, guess what?**

**AgentN: What?**

**AgentK: Not you, the readers of the story!**

**AgentN: Oh, okay.**

**AgentK: Again, hey people, guess what?**

**(This is the part where your speak out loud and say 'what')**

**AgentK: AgentN is back!**

**(This is the part where you say 'No shit')**

**AgentN: Yes, I'm back. I didn't take pictures, so just look up 'sand' on google and that works just as well.**

**AgentK: Yup, so now we're back writing Strawberry's Revenge. To be honest, I have no clue how much longer we're making it. But don't worry, there will still be a lot more action packed, fluffy, cracktastic, chapters on the way. ^_^**

**AgentN: Read, Review, Bark.**

**AgentK: Bark?**

**AgentN: Yeah, Bark.**

**AgentK: What is that supposed to mean?**

**AgentN: What are you stupid! It means Enjoy in dog.**

**AgentK: Righht.**


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